An open letter to my daughter

Today is the tenth anniversary of the day of the offspring's birth. Ten years. You often hear, as a parent, to appreciate each moment because it is gone before you know it.

Funny thing, time. In the moment it seems to take forever. Diapers? Forever! Co-sleeping? FOREVER! Terrible twosthrees? Forever! Looking back, it feels like it went so fast. Now, I look at little ones toddling around, discovering things in that toddler way and I miss it. I miss watching my offspring do all those things. I miss the way her tiny body fit just right in my arms, against my chest, snuggled close. And yet, I wouldn't trade her now for who/how she was then for anything in the world.

I chose to be a mom of only one. When I was younger I thought the perfect nuclear family of two adults and two offspring, with some pets, was my dream. Then THE offspring came along. I could not imagine loving any other child as much as I love her. And, not to denigrate any parent with multiples (I'm one of three), I didn't want to risk it. Working with kids for as long as I have, I am well aware of the ability to have "favorites". There are clear parental favorites in my family, too. It's natural and expected. Plus, being pregnant was not my forte. Glad I did it. Not interested in doing it again.

Being a parent is the single most difficult thing to do. Trust me, I know. I'm also a PhD student. Parenting is harder. You are responsible for a living, breathing creature who is solely dependent upon you for basic needs as well as shaping who s/he will be as a future adult. That's a TON of pressure. Making mistakes is inevitable. Lows are incredibly low. Highs are beyond high. And most of life is somewhere in between.

Ten years have passed since the offspring made her appearance. Ten incredibly rich years of truly amazing growth, for her and for me. It's about time I write her a letter.

To my daughter,

First and foremost, I love you. With every fiber of my being. You are my greatest teacher. I enjoy the pleasure of watching you grow and learn every day.

You are ten years old today. I can easily remember the day you decided it was time to meet the world. And that day you not only met it, but embraced it. Grabbed a hold of it and haven't let go. The love that surrounds you is immeasurable and infinite. And the love you share is the same.

I'm writing this letter to you to tell you how much you have, do, and will mean to me. I have made mistakes. I will continue making mistakes. But I know that, together, we will learn and move forward. I hope that what I teach you will help you as you grow, because I know that what you teach me has helped me grow in ways I cannot begin to describe.

As we grow together for the next ten years (and beyond!), I have some wishes for you.

I wish that no one will tell you that you cannot achieve something you want simply because you are female. I wish that if someone does, that you don't believe them.

I wish that you do not define yourself by what society expects. I wish you blaze your own trail with your passions, love, and thoughtfulness for your own desires.

I wish you continue to be kind and loving to everyone around you. True acceptance is an incredible thing.

I wish your beauty continues to radiate from within, capturing everyone near you in its warm glow.

I wish you persevere when things get hard, like homework. Or growing. Or relationships.

I wish you continue to love traveling. Exploring new places and meeting new people provide you with a view of the world like nothing else. Plus, the food is usually exciting!

I wish you always feel supported and loved.

I wish you have a realistic, yet positive view of the world. And do whatever you can to help the world around you.

I wish all others you encounter see your potential. And help you to achieve it. And if they don't, I wish you show it to them anyway.

I wish you continue to sing. Your voice is strong and beautiful. The world needs to hear it.

I wish you continue to dance. You exhibit pure joy when you dance.

I wish you forgive me my errors and always understand that I am human, that I make decisions that I think are best, even when they aren't.

I wish you always know how much I love you. Even when you're mad at me. Especially then.

I wish you find what makes you happy. I will support whatever that may be.

I wish for you to know that you can change the world. And that you needn't be afraid to do it. That you are strong enough, smart enough, good enough.

I wish you continue to find humor in the world. And that you keep sharing your funny. Laughter is healing, connection, beautiful.

I wish that you continue to love nature and stay connected to the natural world.

I wish you struggle. And overcome. And learn. And fall down. And get back up. And conquer.

This life is a beautiful gift. The fact that you are part of my life is the best gift I can ever hope to receive. Thank you for ten years of amazing. I look forward to as many years as possible of more amazing, joy, funny, beauty, passions, struggles, conquering, and love.

Most of all, love.

Words are a window

I used to write poetry when I was a teenager. I don't think I've looked back at my collection and read any of it in many trips around the sun. It was a great way to deal with all that teenage hormone-induced angst. My poetry has always been incredibly personal and very difficult for me to share. I imagine any creative person who puts so much of her/his innermost being into something that is quite subjective feels trepidation and nervousness when sharing. It's like opening a shutter on the window that faces out to the world, and seeing a crowd staring in at you.

For quite a few years I lacked inspiration to write, until recently. I feel fortunate that my studies include encouragement for creative expression. In fact, a recent assignment inspired the poem I am sharing with you today. Enjoy (or, you know, don't...but stop staring!).

Live

walking the path of growth
she struggles to see beyond herself
but recognizes that the world encompasses all

the flowers that bloom for the briefest of moments
teach her to breathe deeply
and pause
appreciating the offering of beauty and scent
before it withers and falls away

moments of learning
flash and fade

but she is forever changed
for having witnessed
smelled
and seen

the path is rife with obstacles
each different from the last
but all shaping the knowledge and body
of she who travels it
as patience is practiced

when once thought to be inconsequential
she looks back along her path
and witnesses the footprints sunk deep
enduring

realization that no other
will ever follow directly behind her
seeing, hearing, smelling all she does
but paths cross
footprints watched

every footstep brings her someplace new
as she carries her thoughts
knowledge
feelings
and wishes on her back

hopes and dreams surround her
embracing and caressing
shifting as the path of reality is revealed

the colors of her being
near-unrecognizable to
when she began her journey
shift yet
grow brighter
clearer
variant
subtle
brilliant.