Ever have that moment you feel completely and utterly powerless? Yet you still want to scream and rage at the universe. And find some concrete way to change the hand dealt. But you can't because those cards are stuck. And all you can do is stare at them. Perplexed. Frustrated.
I recently had that moment.
After that moment comes when you share with someone else the struggle you are experiencing. And you feel some relief. That relief comes with a bit of a price, though, because you've placed a bit of the burden you were carrying on someone else's shoulders.
I find it incredibly difficult to share my burden because others already carry burdens.
The important thing to remember is there are people in your life willing to shoulder some of that burden and responsibility. They are caring and loving enough to take on a little of your struggle so you can pick yourself up and prepare for the tough path ahead.
And the path ahead is definitely rocky and rough. The unfortunate news is a person very close to me and who I cherish and love more than words can ever express was just diagnosed with cancer.
It's the form of cancer than can never be cured.
Luckily there is hope in the possibility of remission.
I'm not sure how I feel about knowing approximately how and when I (or anyone else) will die. I understand and accept that all life must end. And it can end at any time. For me, the not knowing means to truly live in the moment. I don't say that to imply not making responsible choices or planning for the future. Instead, to appreciate and enjoy the joys and happiness in life, not dwelling on the negativity. And not looking back on the past with regret. But also not looking to the future with impending sadness.
So I am currently staring at the path in front of me, rife with obstacles and challenges. I can choose to wallow in the difficulty, or I can choose to celebrate every little success.
As I take the first step on this path, I am prepared to celebrate every success, to hold the hands of those on this path with me, and even to carry them when they aren't strong enough to navigate on their own. And damnit, I'm going to live in every moment. To feel it. To embrace. To enjoy it. Because it's worth it.
