Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

So far, the summer has been generally quite enjoyable. Job #1 is still super busy. Job #2 is on hold until potentially the fall. I am taking half the number of credits for school, although in a shortened amount of time. And I'm trying to eke out a few extra minutes to swim in the pool with the offspring as often as possible, which hopefully explains my lack of updating you on the mundane areas of my life. Plus I haven't any good stories to share lately, I feel.

Until this recent speed bump. I'm currently in a really strange space right now. My course instructor/mentor is phenomenal. So knowledgeable in the topic. Challenging me in ways I never expected (but hoped for!). And it's super scary. I feel like I am getting into a realm where few people exist. Yes, I know, the number of doctoral students compared to undergraduate level students is quite small. And the number of people who achieved Ph.D. level education is smaller still. Yet my yearning to know more and understand the "why" is taking me down a path that is a bit of a lonely walk. I didn't realize how much I relied upon the ability to discuss concepts and information and thoughts about topics with others.

Now, I don't want you to think that I'm looking for pity, or that even sympathy is undue. I realize that I am choosing this path. And it's likely lonely for a reason. Many people strive to learn more every day, but they don't spend this much money, time, stress, and sacrifice to do it. It is my choice. I don't regret it one bit. Personal growth is challenging for a reason. You can't truly share your personal growth with someone else. Each person approaches every moment with a wealth of experience, knowledge, and expectations...that is different from any other person. It's like a fingerprint. They may look similar to the untrained eye, but each is individual and unique.

I realized today that I was wishing for the space, time, and people to sit together with a group of people with similar interests and knowledge and really talk. Exchange ideas and thought processes. Engage in creative discourse. Kind of like the historical salons in Paris during the Enlightenment where the philosophers would gather and discuss. But the network of people knowledgeable in the topic I am currently studying is spread wide. And everyone is so busy nowadays, in our modern society.

Luckily, though, my instructor/mentor is challenging me to think very critically about some topics and concepts, then we will discuss through the magic of technology (isn't video chat awesome?). And he is incredibly patient. I fired off a quick response email to acknowledge a question, with the thought that deeper discussion will occur during our upcoming meeting. It did not meet his expectations or standards as an answer. And I recognize that... with some personal disappointment because I don't ever want him to feel I am not capable of meeting his expectations or that his valuable time is misspent with me. (Honestly I don't think he will ever feel this way, but it's a concern!)

So, I am learning and growing and questioning and applying. And it hurts a little (ok, maybe a lot). But it's also very good. Because, really, why spend the time, money, stress, and sacrifice without the exponential gains of personal growth?

Happygrams

Ever have a moment when a mirror is abruptly shoved in front of you? Not just the kind that shows you your outside, but one that shows you your character and personality very starkly. Essentially forcing you to carefully review your very essence with an extremely critical eye. It's not fun. But periodically necessary.
Sometimes a person's circumstances offer opportunity to blindly continue on a path of comfort, confidence, and unhealthy egotism. That mirror returns humble appreciation for hard work, lack of knowledge, luck, desire for growth, and continued love of learning.
I recently experienced an episode with a mirror. I didn't expect it, nor desire it, but I certainly appreciated it (after a little bit of wallowing in self-pity). It's likely I was "getting a bit too big for my britches" as the saying goes and needed a little reminder of who I am and who I want to be. And how to get there.
Appreciation is incredibly important. I greatly appreciate the people in my life who support me, inspire me, push me toward my desires and hopes and goals, and even push that mirror in front of my face when I need it. I know without these incredible people there is no way I would be where I am today. Nor where I hope to be in the future.
I'm not sure if the people in my life know how much I appreciate them. How happy I am that they are in my life to make me a better person. How humbled I am by their support and love.
I've decided to happygram these wonderful people. Not all at once. Periodically. Unexpectedly. Sincerely.
What is a happygram, you ask? A note - handwritten, electronically written, verbally spoken, etc. - that expresses appreciation. Most likely for no known reason at all, just for the recipient's mere existence.
I hope that you all take a moment to appreciate the ones in your life who make you better. Spread some happygrams. Not just once. But often. For the rest of your life.

Blood, sweat, and tears...and laughter

Oh hello. How are you out there in blog-reading land? I've recently tried to take a hiatus from the computer. This past school year, it seems as if I spent more time with my computer than with other living beings. It's understandable, really, given the nature of my choice to participate in a limited residency (meaning mostly online) doctoral program. But the school year is nearly done. I am currently in my final week of residency for the first year.
As I look back at the journey of this year (not reflecting, though), I don't think I ever truly imagined sitting here now, after successfully navigating the coursework and daily life of these intense nine months. What a journey! To consider all I've learned about my passions, about sustainability, about the cohort model and what that means to me, about my capabilities, and about all that I don't know, I am flabbergasted.
The phrase "blood, sweat, and tears" comes to mind to describe this year. I realize learning is in my blood, really a part of who I am and about what I am passionate. And this year brought so much learning, stretching my realm of information and understanding. Plus sweat. This is the human body's natural cooling system. It's also a method of sharing pheromones to create connections between and among humans, and with other animals. While the first is helpful anytime, the second is a bit difficult when cohort members are separated by great distances. These residency weeks are quite valuable in immeasurable ways. Oh, and tears. From the very beginning I've seen the cleansing power of tears, the connecting power, the human-ness of tears. Tears started the connection of my cohort, and today I witnessed tears continuing the connection of other cohorts.
I want to add laughter to this phrase, especially in relation to this first year journey. Laughter is so imperative! Bringing fun and ridiculousness into the mundane enables healthy processing of experiences. I believe not taking oneself too seriously helps to grow and learn in many, if not all, situations. Laughter alleviates stress. Humor, while not universal, lightens the mood when it gets too serious. I also think laughter encourages social bonds, opening the door to deeper inter- and intra-personal connections. Within my cohort, we shared fun comics, viral memes and videos, and wished one another lots of unicorn poop and singing narwhals. Outside of my cohort, I incredibly appreciated my friends and family who sent me ridiculous dinosaur memes, crazy videos, and general humorous messages and posts to remind me that normal life continues. It doesn't matter that the squirrels they shared momentarily distracted, in fact, I welcomed the squirrels, and still do (and will!).
So what do I see in my next three years future? Blood, sweat, tears, and laughter. But it's not limited to the next three years. I see a future of living life to the fullest. Experiencing everything as fully as possible. Appreciating the blood, sweat, tears, and laughter of each moment. Embracing the challenges. Reveling in the successes. And laughing through it all.

An open letter to my daughter

Today is the tenth anniversary of the day of the offspring's birth. Ten years. You often hear, as a parent, to appreciate each moment because it is gone before you know it.

Funny thing, time. In the moment it seems to take forever. Diapers? Forever! Co-sleeping? FOREVER! Terrible twosthrees? Forever! Looking back, it feels like it went so fast. Now, I look at little ones toddling around, discovering things in that toddler way and I miss it. I miss watching my offspring do all those things. I miss the way her tiny body fit just right in my arms, against my chest, snuggled close. And yet, I wouldn't trade her now for who/how she was then for anything in the world.

I chose to be a mom of only one. When I was younger I thought the perfect nuclear family of two adults and two offspring, with some pets, was my dream. Then THE offspring came along. I could not imagine loving any other child as much as I love her. And, not to denigrate any parent with multiples (I'm one of three), I didn't want to risk it. Working with kids for as long as I have, I am well aware of the ability to have "favorites". There are clear parental favorites in my family, too. It's natural and expected. Plus, being pregnant was not my forte. Glad I did it. Not interested in doing it again.

Being a parent is the single most difficult thing to do. Trust me, I know. I'm also a PhD student. Parenting is harder. You are responsible for a living, breathing creature who is solely dependent upon you for basic needs as well as shaping who s/he will be as a future adult. That's a TON of pressure. Making mistakes is inevitable. Lows are incredibly low. Highs are beyond high. And most of life is somewhere in between.

Ten years have passed since the offspring made her appearance. Ten incredibly rich years of truly amazing growth, for her and for me. It's about time I write her a letter.

To my daughter,

First and foremost, I love you. With every fiber of my being. You are my greatest teacher. I enjoy the pleasure of watching you grow and learn every day.

You are ten years old today. I can easily remember the day you decided it was time to meet the world. And that day you not only met it, but embraced it. Grabbed a hold of it and haven't let go. The love that surrounds you is immeasurable and infinite. And the love you share is the same.

I'm writing this letter to you to tell you how much you have, do, and will mean to me. I have made mistakes. I will continue making mistakes. But I know that, together, we will learn and move forward. I hope that what I teach you will help you as you grow, because I know that what you teach me has helped me grow in ways I cannot begin to describe.

As we grow together for the next ten years (and beyond!), I have some wishes for you.

I wish that no one will tell you that you cannot achieve something you want simply because you are female. I wish that if someone does, that you don't believe them.

I wish that you do not define yourself by what society expects. I wish you blaze your own trail with your passions, love, and thoughtfulness for your own desires.

I wish you continue to be kind and loving to everyone around you. True acceptance is an incredible thing.

I wish your beauty continues to radiate from within, capturing everyone near you in its warm glow.

I wish you persevere when things get hard, like homework. Or growing. Or relationships.

I wish you continue to love traveling. Exploring new places and meeting new people provide you with a view of the world like nothing else. Plus, the food is usually exciting!

I wish you always feel supported and loved.

I wish you have a realistic, yet positive view of the world. And do whatever you can to help the world around you.

I wish all others you encounter see your potential. And help you to achieve it. And if they don't, I wish you show it to them anyway.

I wish you continue to sing. Your voice is strong and beautiful. The world needs to hear it.

I wish you continue to dance. You exhibit pure joy when you dance.

I wish you forgive me my errors and always understand that I am human, that I make decisions that I think are best, even when they aren't.

I wish you always know how much I love you. Even when you're mad at me. Especially then.

I wish you find what makes you happy. I will support whatever that may be.

I wish for you to know that you can change the world. And that you needn't be afraid to do it. That you are strong enough, smart enough, good enough.

I wish you continue to find humor in the world. And that you keep sharing your funny. Laughter is healing, connection, beautiful.

I wish that you continue to love nature and stay connected to the natural world.

I wish you struggle. And overcome. And learn. And fall down. And get back up. And conquer.

This life is a beautiful gift. The fact that you are part of my life is the best gift I can ever hope to receive. Thank you for ten years of amazing. I look forward to as many years as possible of more amazing, joy, funny, beauty, passions, struggles, conquering, and love.

Most of all, love.

Words are a window

I used to write poetry when I was a teenager. I don't think I've looked back at my collection and read any of it in many trips around the sun. It was a great way to deal with all that teenage hormone-induced angst. My poetry has always been incredibly personal and very difficult for me to share. I imagine any creative person who puts so much of her/his innermost being into something that is quite subjective feels trepidation and nervousness when sharing. It's like opening a shutter on the window that faces out to the world, and seeing a crowd staring in at you.

For quite a few years I lacked inspiration to write, until recently. I feel fortunate that my studies include encouragement for creative expression. In fact, a recent assignment inspired the poem I am sharing with you today. Enjoy (or, you know, don't...but stop staring!).

Live

walking the path of growth
she struggles to see beyond herself
but recognizes that the world encompasses all

the flowers that bloom for the briefest of moments
teach her to breathe deeply
and pause
appreciating the offering of beauty and scent
before it withers and falls away

moments of learning
flash and fade

but she is forever changed
for having witnessed
smelled
and seen

the path is rife with obstacles
each different from the last
but all shaping the knowledge and body
of she who travels it
as patience is practiced

when once thought to be inconsequential
she looks back along her path
and witnesses the footprints sunk deep
enduring

realization that no other
will ever follow directly behind her
seeing, hearing, smelling all she does
but paths cross
footprints watched

every footstep brings her someplace new
as she carries her thoughts
knowledge
feelings
and wishes on her back

hopes and dreams surround her
embracing and caressing
shifting as the path of reality is revealed

the colors of her being
near-unrecognizable to
when she began her journey
shift yet
grow brighter
clearer
variant
subtle
brilliant.

Baggage claim

I have the travel itch.
No, not the kind you get from traveling to a damp place when your feet don't dry out completely. The kind where I'm itching to travel.

I love to travel. And, surprisingly for me, the past few years' worth of travel experiences prepared me for traveling to places off the beaten path. To experience new sites, sights, sounds, tastes, sensations. To transport me out of my comfort zone, so I have the potential to experience personal transformation.

I really want to travel.

Currently, though, I do not have any pleasure travel plans coming soon. I have seriously considered it, but with a homework list a mile long, plus job #1, and job #2, oh yea, and the offspring, time (and lack of available funding) is a bit of a hindrance. I'm currently running a triage center of life. Life sustenance gets priority. But that doesn't mean I'm not mentally packing my bags and taking off on a plane to somewhere.

Ah, baggage. No matter how carefully you pack, you always bring more than you need. Go on, shake your head at me while you remember that one time you packed so minimally and carefully, and used everything you put in your luggage or pack.You still brought extra baggage.

Wherever we travel, be it to work, or school, the store, or some far off location, we bring baggage. Intentionally or unintentionally, our baggage hitches a ride. Every experience, every breath, every thought, every feeling you experience up to this moment gets packed away in your baggage. You cannot control it.

What you can control, though, is what you unpack and use every trip you take. And, you can control how you react to others' baggage. Just like going to the airport and watching that passenger wheel the clearly oversized piece of luggage to the jetway, along with the personal item that is the size of your own carry-on. You watch that person struggle with stowing it (or not!) in the overhead bin as the awaiting passengers line up behind you, each carrying his or her own baggage. Do you empathize with the struggle? Are you frustrated by every inconvenience you experienced that day to that moment, leading you to glare and exhale sharply the longer it takes? Do you step in to help shoulder the burden, quickening the process and providing a moment of ease for another, and relief for those waiting?

Baggage is not a negative association to assign a person you tried to date, but it just didn't work out. Baggage doesn't have to be an oversized piece of luggage you mistakenly carry aboard a plane. Your baggage is the accumulation of your life experiences, your thoughts, your feelings, your growth. It does not define you, but it helps to shape who you are and how you choose to greet the world each moment you are alive.

How you package it is entirely up to you. I prefer to package mine, and unpack it, intentionally. Something subtle, yet beautiful, with a dash of color to individualize it. What is your preferred package?

PhDLife means you join me on assignment

Hello again, blogiverse. More weeks than intended have passed since last I updated. I could easily describe all the ways in which my life is insanely busy, but it quickly starts to sound like excuses, so I will refrain. We can just chalk it up to hashtag phdlife.

I am currently working on an assignment. Not much of a surprise. And, strange, you say, that I am writing this in the midst of my assignment? Not really. This is part of my assignment. I am attempting to incorporate a variety of multimedia to fulfill the guidelines.

This assignment has many pieces. I will do my best to provide you an overview without your eyes glazing over and you getting the urge to click over to another tab. Essentially, addressing diversity and the various forms of justices (food, water, energy, climate) is the overall theme. Here's the rub, though. I consider these very human-centric. I am not saying that it is a bad thing to consider how our use of these resources is equitable or not amongst humans. And I am not saying that adjusting our use of these resources to be more equitable amongst humans is not a valid and desirable thing. I recognize that these concerns will also, hopefully, positively impact this planet with which we live. Yet, I struggle with focusing entirely on the human while considering these resources as something solely for our benefit. I approach justice as truly that, just and fair treatment. Equity. Currently, humans are taking the, well, human-sized share of the planet's resources. The other organisms with whom we share this place are forced to survive on less, or not survive at all.

So, while I acknowledge that I may be interpreting this assignment in a way that is unintended, I feel it vitally important to speak for those without a loud enough, or socially intelligible, voice. Because if those who can speak in the language other humans understand do not do so, then the melodious and beautiful voices of those who cannot speak our language will quickly die out, and this world will be lost.

Avoiding SQUIRRELS!

Where are we now, and why?

I decided approaching this assignment through the lens of some charismatic megafauna will provide opportunity to combine visual and verbal learning styles (multiple intelligences). Ok, ready for the breakdown of what that sentence means? Charismatic megafauna are the big "cuddly" animals people are often drawn to and care about most frequently. Like pandas. And elephants. Learning styles (multiple intelligences) are categories that organize in what ways people engage with and retain information. Ever try to read a huge block of text (ahem) and find you don't remember much of it? But if you listen to it, like a book on tape, you have near perfect recall? Or how playing with an item allows you to remember how it works/what it is/what it does? These all speak to your learning style in the realm of multiple intelligences. I know that, often, webpages with insane amounts of text lead me to TL;DR (too long; didn't read) territory, and I click over to something shorter and more interesting. I know this is a result of the internet culture in which I live. I accept that I am easily distracted by SQUIRRELS!

With that knowledge of myself, I searched for ways to present information in a visually appealing manner, and that are concise and interesting. Essentially, I searched for some good interpretive examples. Goodness, the interwebs are full of interesting things! 

Enter the Infographic

This method of information delivery encompasses the visual (with multiple colors, pictures, etc.) and the verbal (with the right amount of words), appealing to many and enticing to read and learn. 

I selected a few species to highlight, with the knowledge that these species act as umbrellas. By working to conserve and save an "umbrella" species, many other species found in the same area are helped. I do not consider one species more important than any other (especially humans). An ecosystem is a system, where all the parts work cohesively to make the system function correctly. If any part of the system is malfunctioning (such as having too many babies, or using fossil fuels that cause climate change, or creating monocultures from clearcutting for food crops), the entire system malfunctions. 

Here are some examples of malfunctions.

Photo source link

Rhinoceros

The current plight of rhinoceros is entirely human-caused. The false belief that rhino horn contains medicinal properties perpetuates the killing of these important browsers.

Photo source link

Even with the knowledge that rhinoceros horn is made of the same stuff (keratin) as human fingernails, the demand is still high, and ever increasing, as evidenced by these statistics. High demand leads to high prices, which encourages more poaching. Sometimes these poachers are from poor communities and living in poverty and hunger. Money to make life a little easier is exceptionally appealing. Here is where food justice is an important topic for the rhinoceros.

Photo source link

The continued rate of deaths shows a bleak future. 

Photo source link Graph credit: rhinosurvival.org

There are multiple species of rhinoceros, and the above statistics do not delineate which are being poached and the expected date of extinction. I hazard it is showing statistics for the white rhino, which currently has the highest population number. 

Photo source link

Click here for a great infographic with more rhino information

Ok, please don't click away and stay away. I know this is sobering information, but it's important for you to know. And, it's part of my assignment. Stay with me!

Elephants

The story of the elephants is, unfortunately, not dissimilar to the rhinoceros. Ivory from elephant tusks (which is essentially a modified tooth) is prized and highly valued for a variety of purposes.

Photo source link

Again, money is the driving force behind these human actions. If these numbers continue at the current rate, it is likely elephants will be extinct in the wild within 25 years. 

Photo source link

Governments around the world chose definitive action against the illegal ivory trade (which, honestly, seems a strange label, "illegal". We are deciding when it is ok to commodify animal body parts, without the animal's permission.) recently, by destroying stockpiles of ivory. But what does that really mean for supply and demand? Granted, these tusks and ivory pieces were not available for purchase, but the mere presence kept a modicum of control. Without the slightest possibility of acquiring the destroyed ivory, consumers are willing to pay more for any available ivory, which puts the elephant populations at a higher risk than ever.

Photo source link

It is all connected

I love learning. I especially love learning things that I may never have sought on my own. A recent assignment involved Akasha. I'll let you explore that on your own.

One assignment allowed for creative expression of personal understanding of the topic. So, I created a simple video.

I think it speaks for itself.

The hunt of life

This week begins my second residency at school. The program I am in is partial residency, so this first year I came to school in August, again this week, and will again in May. That very first one was intensely anxiety-inducing, especially leading up to it. Coming into this week I thought I had overcome that, but I realized as the first day quickly approached that I was again feeling anxious, but this time for different reasons.
I have enjoyed this break from school work. Don't get me wrong, I love learning, and synthesizing information, and writing...mostly...but the amount of work is pretty intense. That's not entirely bad, but I feel I have become a master at balancing. The process of deciding where to focus my attention and efforts depending on immediacy is a little like hunting.
Hunting is a skill with which many Americans have lost connection. The advent of mass agriculture makes acquiring proteins much simpler, and separate from historical methods. I'm going to take a step back and acknowledge that earlier in my life I resisted the idea of hunting for my meat. In fact, as a child, my siblings teased me mercilessly, pushing against my delicate sensibilities and connection to animals. I loved bologna sandwiches (go ahead, sing the bologna song..."my bologna has a first name..." you're welcome). I recall a time when my sister lovingly, ahem, stuck her lips out and made mooing sounds at me before and after telling me the various animal parts put together to create the lunch meat. If I thought about what animal I was eating I couldn't eat it. Putting that face to the food was incredibly upsetting.
Into my adult years I began to understand the need to appreciate where my food comes from and how it got to my plate. My environmental and animal connection sensibilities still exist, but I feel I've grown in accepting my role as an animal in the larger global ecosystem. The human body is made to eat both plants and meat. Our digestion system runs most efficiently with a variety of food items. Our dental structure is made to tear meat and grind plants.
It wasn't until I read an article assigned for my graduate course to Namibia two summers ago that my perspective truly shifted. The article discussed the connection of the hunter to the hunted, and that truly personal journey of searching for, killing, and preparing the kill for consumption. I don't know if I will ever have the ability to shoot an animal to eat, but I am interested in participating in the hunt someday.
Earlier I likened balancing life to hunting. Seems a stretch, but come along with me on this. The hunt begins with research. Searching for where to find the animals, taking the time to explore and think. This applies to developing topics for papers as well as looking ahead to work and other life commitments. Then comes the action. This takes various forms. It could be actually writing that paper. Or going grocery shopping. Or going to job #1. Or fulfilling tasks for job #2. Or spending time with the family. Or sleeping. These are in no particular order of priority. Finally it's preparation for consumption. Within this educational path, I consider this portion as the synthesization and integration of the information and discussion and topics. In other parts of my life, I think of this as the appreciation of the richness around me, in my family, my employment, my circle of influence. The consumption part is the changing of who I am and what I do, as whatever you take into your body truly becomes part of you, altering your very chemical composition.
I do struggle between the desire to live life with intention and the desire to accept and grow from what the universe presents to me. Drawing the connection between hunting and daily life does present a bit of that balance. Not all hunts are successful. Sometimes life isn't what we want or hope. I accept the opportunity to make change where I can, live with intention as much as possible, but am also open to the chaos of life.
Bring it.

Time to start anew?

Ah. It's a new year.

As I age (but remain at a delightfully young mindset of about 25 years old...although some may argue it's closer to 13), I realize that staying up late to ring in the New Year is not nearly as appealing as attempting to get sleep. Contributions to that are probably the offspring and a job. More specifically, a job at a location that doesn't close on the first of the year. Plus, I think I view a new year a bit differently than most of the world.

Calendars are arbitrary tracking devices. Life is full of patterns, so using a calendar allows humans to keep track and monitor these patterns. It also allows us to know what to expect, which feels safe. Each day is fresh, a new beginning, a delightful opportunity to approach life with awake eyes and a sense of purpose. Most of us don't, though. It's easy to get comfortable in the patterns of daily life, and therefore looking at a brand new calendar with a new year number feels like it is a new beginning.

And with a new beginning comes resolutions. I find it delightfully amusing that new year resolutions are so popular. Now, don't get mad at me, I have a good reason, I feel (and I've made resolutions in the past). We start out the new year listing all the things we want to change, which essentially reinforces all the bad habits or perceived personal negative characteristics. By springtime, some of the new good habits have stuck and continue, but many of the other resolutions start falling away, forgotten. Nearing November and December (well, maybe starting in October, if I want to be truly accurate), we begin to celebrate those bad habits again: overindulgence, consumerism, etc. All under the guise of holidays. The end of December approaches and we reflect on the year, picking out the bad and forgetting the good, looking for what we want to be "better". Last year and this, I've seen an idea/suggestion passed around on social media - a jar. Simply a jar. Sounds profound, right? (that sentence is written in sarcastic font, btw) But, really, it's amazing. Each time something good happens, no matter how big or small, it is written on a slip of paper and placed in the jar. Over the course of the year, all the good adds up, filling the jar. At the end of the year, the jar is opened and all the good is revisited. 

I think it is a much more difficult thing to focus on the good than on the bad. Wallowing in negativity is so easy. And I really don't understand why. I like to approach every occurrence, whether good or bad, but especially bad, as a learning opportunity. Every situation teaches me something. It could be something about myself (which it often is) or about someone (or something) else. Yea, sometimes sucky things happen. But it happened. It's over. It's in the past. Learn from it and look forward to the future, perhaps changing your own behavior to prevent it from happening again.

One thing I hope we can all change for the future is the holidays. And looking to the good in the past can help. I had an experience where a last minute make-the-offspring-uber-happy-but-in-a-simple-keep-the-magic-of-Christmas-alive-way purchase was desired. I ended my work day and drove to the store. The amount of vehicles entering the shopping area was staggering. Apparently many others were making these types of purchases! I walk into the store and can't find what I wanted, so I approach an employee. This person appeared so worn out and unhappy. I felt ashamed. Ashamed of myself for adding to the crazy of this day and time of year. Ashamed that I am an American and our society so strongly encourages consumerism, wrongly equating it to happiness. Although I wanted to hurry because being in a store at that time on that day with the rest of the insanity was not happy-inducing, I took the necessary time to be polite and understanding and appreciative of this person standing in front of me. I hope that moment was a tiny bright spot in her day. I hope that others were polite and understanding and appreciative to add more bright spots. My small purchase complete, I exited and made my way home.

What I hope for the future is remembering the purpose of the holidays. It's not buying things for people, and by this I mean just a bunch of items that are not needed and have no feeling or intention (aside from just buying to add to the number of gifts) behind them. It's about sharing joy and love for each other. It's about spending quality time together. It's about rediscovering why these people are important to you. I also hope your decisions bring you joy. I hope you focus on the good. I hope that by doing so you invite more good and joy to surround you and spread to others.

Every day is new. Every day holds the promise of something amazing. Amazing doesn't have to be gigantic, it can be a smile on another's face, a hug from a dear friend, a realization of a goal. You hold the potential for amazing. Live it. Be it. Share it.


And if all that is way too deep for you, here's a delightful naughty word list of ways to be a better person. http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/

Happy 2014.

Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone

"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition." Alan Alda

Today is graduation day for Master's students in the program from which I graduated last year. I am unable to attend and support friends and students, but my thoughts are with all those in attendance and who are, like me, there in spirit. Thinking on that fantastic milestone in my life, I recall the personal changes I experienced as I stepped to the edge of and beyond my comfort zone from beginning to end of my time within the program.

It is also the end of my very first doctoral semester. It really wasn't that long ago that I received those fate-changing words "you have been accepted". Talk about edge of comfort zone. I've already waxed poetic about my personal struggles with feeling as if I am not good enough for this program, so I won't revisit that at all. Instead I celebrate my growth. This semester was challenging, but not overwhelming. This break is a nice opportunity to consider why these sayings (life begins at the edge of your comfort zone, and the quote from Alan Alda) resonate so strongly with me.

Change is scary. And incredibly difficult. As animals, we are hard-wired to resist abrupt change. Something new within the environment is most likely negative, such as a new opponent or challenger. It could mean death. Or dismemberment. Or inability to find the needed resources...which I guess could lead to death or extended discomfort. The comfort zone is the place where we are most familiar with our surroundings, others' behaviors, our own behavior, and expectations. It's a place where we feel we have control. But it is also where stagnation occurs. Challenges in life show a person's capabilities. Seeking those challenges may seem a bit crazy to some, but allows a person real opportunity to see how she or he can change the world. That may sound a lofty goal, but the world doesn't necessarily mean our planet, although that is much needed. The world applies to a person's sphere of influence. Stepping outside your comfort zone does increase that sphere, and creates ripples within others' spheres.

Giving up a little of that control prevents stagnation and encourages the type of transformative growth that can really change the world. I appreciate all the spheres that have created ripples for me, rocked my boat, and bounced me out of that safe mindset.

Yikes, waxing poetic again. How's this: be a wombat. Yes, a wombat. Wombat feces is cube shaped. Cubes! Aside from geeking out over the biology that makes that possible, cube shaped poop is absolutely incredible! Wombats travel to new areas and mark territory with poop that won't roll away. Cubes. Depositing cubes in another's territory creates change. Challenge. Growth. I'll leave you with that fantastic imagery.

Beer: Brewing Up a Connection

Going to the professional conference a couple weeks ago threw off my groove of paper writing. I had grand designs to complete an optional paper (still might! the topic is super interesting!) prior to digging into a 10 page paper due today. That didn't happen. In fact, I only started writing this paper Monday evening. And I just submitted it. Honestly, I'm feeling pretty PhD badass right now. Especially since I wrote about beer. For my PhD assignment. Definitely boss level.
I've decided to share the paper with those of you interested enough to read it. Keep in mind a very important quote I recently became familiar with thanks to the comic strip "Zits" (http://zitscomics.com/): Perfection is the enemy of the done.
I think this is now my mantra. It does, however, starkly contrast with my desire for perfection. Ok, desire might not be the right word...obsession? That's closer. Not perfect, though. Oh well.
Anywho, as I learned more about the topic of beer and its history in human society and culture, I completely geeked out over it. Fascinating stuff! Given more time I think I could include all the awesome information. So, as you read through, please keep in mind that I was working under a short deadline. Don't judge. But enjoy.

Beer: Brewing Up a Connection

I do not drink beer. Even after tasting many different styles of beer and most likely continuing to do so in the future, actually drinking an entire beer does not appeal to me. The brewing process fascinates me, though. The natural chemical and biological processes inherent in fermentation, flavor combinations based solely off which plant types are used, the time and care put into the process with nothing more than a hopeful expectation of the outcome all contribute to an appreciation for the connection between the brewer and the craft. Watching others who consider themselves connoisseurs of beer, or actually more likely the colloquialism ‘beer snob’, taste and consider the flavors, nose, mouth feel, head, lacing on the glass, et cetera, I recall watching this same care in relation to wine tasting by adults when I was younger. The language used in the tasting and enjoyment process was a bit different, though. I do not care for wine either. Nevertheless, I still appreciate the craft.

I prefer hard cider, which numerous beer drinkers claim is sweet but I disagree compared to the plethora of sweet mixed drinks many enjoy. I feel I must clarify one important point: while I am discussing the ingestion of alcoholic beverages, I do not drink these to experience the effects of alcohol through the body’s digestion and metabolization. I sincerely enjoy the flavor. Historically, hard cider was a drink apparently born out of necessity rather than pure enjoyment. With the planting of many apple trees by John Chapman, familiarly known as Johnny Appleseed, across the United States that produced apples too tart and bitter for eating, crushing the fruits made cider in the 1700s and 1800s as an alternative for unsafe water (Kapany, 2009). The fermentation process eliminated virus and bacteria that led to illness.

Increased alcohol consumption within the population of the United States, with cider a large contributor, preceded prohibition (Kapany, 2009), which was a time where producing and selling alcohol was illegal. The production and consumption of alcohol continued regardless, providing an excellent income source for makers and sellers (Thornton, 1991). The history of alcohol in human society extends much farther back than the years prior to prohibition, which brings the focus back to beer and how to make it.

How to Make Beer

Yeast Yield Deliciousness

Many fruits contain high levels of sugar, so as the fruit ripens, the sugars concentrate. Continued ripening softens the skin or coating of the fruit, revealing the flesh for easy consumption by animals or decomposing organisms such as fungi, of which yeast is one. This relationship is beneficial to both the fruiting plant and the consumer. The dispersal of seeds the plant to other locations for depositing and, ideally, growth benefits the stationary plant to pass on genetics to new generations, while the consumer benefits through the ingestion and resulting energy from digestion of the fruit. Fermentation occurs naturally through yeast cells consuming sugars and excreting alcohol and carbon dioxide. It is likely early humans as far back as 100,000 years ago discovered sources of naturally occurring fermented alcohol (Tucker, 2011). The first appearance of human-made beer occurred approximately 10,000 years ago in what is now Asia, with the advent of agriculture that brought farming of grains (Standage, 2009). What humans consume now as beer is quite different from early forms.

Ingredients Make the Brew

The first known recipe for beer is from ancient Sumerian tablets dated 3,900 years old, which contained a poem to Ninkasi, the goddess of brewing (Beer100.com). Evidence found of human brewing activity dates 4,000 years prior to this written recipe (Hieronymous, 2013).The recipe describes beer made from barley in bread. The first recipe describes mixing soaked grains with bread and water, which leads to the assumption that the bread is the source for the yeast (Butler, 2013). Barley, hops, water, and yeast are the main staples for beer, recognized and standardized by a beer purity law in Bavaria in 1516 (Hieronymous, 2013). Testing on storage vessels indicate ancient brewing included other ingredients aside from these main staples, such as spices and oils, and even hallucinogens (Tucker, 2011).

Although lacking consensus on ancient brewing techniques, there is a simplified description available.
Beer loaves were formed from a richly yeasted dough that may or may not have been made from malt. This dough was lightly baked, and the resulting bread was crumbled and strained through a sieve with water. It may have been at this stage that ingredients such as dates or extra yeast were added. The dissolved bread, enriched by sugars from the dates, was then fermented in large vats; the liquid was decanted into jars, and these were finally sealed for storage or transport. (Samuel, 1996)

Reliance on wild (found in the air, on plant and animal surfaces, etc.) yeast likely did not occur. Within the fermentation process, the output of yeast is carbon dioxide and alcohol. Carbon dioxide is the carbonation with which modern society is accustomed in colas and beers, and is what causes bread to rise. Skimming off the frothy layer of yeast and carbon dioxide from the top of the fermenting beverage allows for harvest and use in subsequent brewing or baking (Cavalieri, McGovern, Hartl, Mortimer, & Polsinelli, 2003).

Changes with the brewing process and ingredients coincide with human advances in technology and agriculture. Refining techniques and ingredients continued in Christian abbeys, where recipes were stored (Butler, 2013). Post-colonization of North America, the use of pumpkin, artichoke, corn, molasses, and oats in addition to the more customary wheat and honey became common (Baugher, 2013). Beer was a safer alternative to water, as Americans determined cider later. Human settlements concentrate bacteria and viruses, many of which travel through the water supply and redistribute to human inhabitants of the area. Drinking contaminated water in a time with rudimentary medical treatments increased the likelihood of debilitating illness or death, neither of which is desirable.

The continuing increase in agricultural-based society allowed family brewing, usually performed by the women, for personal consumption. The differences in agriculture from that time to present day are stark. Rotational crops, lack of chemical pesticides, seasonal plants, and only local use prevented misuse of the land. Recovery of nutrients during fallow times allowed better quality plant-based food sources during growing seasons. Ingredients in the beer were dependent upon local availability and harvesting.

Producing Beer for Public Consumption

The Industrial Revolution ushered in new methods of planting, caring for, and harvesting agriculture. It also altered beer brewing, extending consumption from home brewing to production for widespread sale. It is important to note, though, that the possibility of sale of beer in ancient times is likely, although difficult to confirm. In addition, population increases along with ability to distribute on a large scale over many hundreds and eventually thousands of miles is quite different from selling in bazaars or markets that attract locals or travelers. Preparing beverages for large-scale production and distribution increases material and fossil fuel use.

The first industrial scale production breweries opened in the late 1800s when refrigeration was possible (Ascher, 2012; Raley, 1998). Automatic bottling and facilitated transportation by train continued to increase the popularity of commercial brews, especially with the use of refrigerated rail cars, icehouses, and pasteurization (ibid). The amount of ingredients necessary for large scale brewing increased the demand on agriculture. Railroads and trains already in production expedited the distribution, but the brewery reliance upon this transportation increased demand and use of the materials and fossil fuels. Less negatively environmentally impactful was bottling with glass bottles, which enabled reuse of this necessary material. The 1920s brought about aluminum cans that did not alter the flavor of the beer and were sturdy enough for shipping (Ascher, 2012).

Shipping included use of refrigerated trucks in addition to railways, increasing the use of fossil fuels and materials needed for production of transportation. It is likely that costs of the product, beer, remained low to increase purchasing and consumption, but the quality of the ingredients and simplification of production offset those costs. Large breweries were and are able to advertise heavily to the public, again driving purchasing of these brands, while reducing consumption of small-scale, or craft, brewery products (Ascher, 2012). The larger companies continued to grow as the smaller companies lost the ability to remain financially viable. Again, large-scale production calls into question quality in relation to flavor varietals from brew recipes of the past. Anecdotally, the ‘beer snobs’ espouse craft brewery products as better quality and flavor, even though the cost to purchase is generally higher.

Glass bottles and aluminum cans are still used today to store and transport beer. These products are recyclable, if consumers follow through with this important step in the process. Shipping continues today through fossil fuel-heavy transportation. Brewing the beer does need metal containers for the process and storage, and energy, in the form of heating the water for soaking the grains, combining the ingredients, and refrigeration before and during distribution. In addition, water usage is high considering output. Byproducts of brewing, though, are minimal and generally limited to steam, soaked grains, and greenhouse gases.

It is the Process and the Product

Understanding the fermentation, ingredients, and large-scale production of beer is not complete without knowledge of the actual brewing process. For home brewers, those brewing on a very small scale for personal consumption, there are kits available for purchase and easy instructions to follow. Brewing beer is not just about following the directions on the back of a kit, akin to convenience cake mixes. Dedicated home brewers respect the chemistry, technique, and finesse involved in producing the right flavor combinations, mouth feel, odor, and so forth. Many go so far as to conduct personal tasting research of available brews to determine preferences and styles.

Like large-scale brewing, supplies are necessary and generally acquired through purchasing. Consumerism can drive the home brewer to purchase new and visually appealing products for brewing, but repurposing existing pans, electric or propane burners, and ice chests, for example, provides sufficient supplies for the process. Water usage is significant, though, with a beginning amount of twenty gallons ending up as six gallons of beer. Granted, grain absorption (from soaking the grains) and steam evaporation during boil contributes to the use of two gallons. The cooling part of the process utilizes the remainder. Electricity, rather than propane, is more energy efficient, but considering that part of the process produces unpleasant odors, brewing in a well-ventilated area such as outdoors can limit availability of effectual electric burners.

Purchasing and preparing supplies and ingredients precede the start of the actual brewing process. Grains and hops are soaked and heated to a temperature optimal for release of sugars. Rinsing the soaked grains allows for collection of the sugared juices, which becomes food for the yeast. Cooling is necessary before introducing yeast so as not to kill off the yeast organisms. Maintenance of proper temperatures is required for successful fermentation. After completing fermentation, transferring the resulting brew into consumption vessels, which oftentimes are reused bottles or kegs, removes excess sediment. Following the entire brewing process is enjoyment of the product.

Humans Drink Beer

Today’s American society equates enjoyment of social gatherings and sports with drinking beer and other alcoholic beverages. If one believes commercial advertisements, popular large-scale brands of beer are the best for these situations. I, for one, do not readily believe what marketing companies try to sell me, hence why I am not a beer drinker. The marketing just reinforces a preexisting human-beer connection.

Survival of the Consumer

Tracing the consumption of beer back through human society shows an interconnected relationship of this commodity with human social systems. Early hominids (the species prior to current homo sapiens sapiens) most likely consumed mainly vegetative matter, of which fruit is an excellent source of energy due to natural sugar content; naturally fermenting fruits potentially attracted these consumers and contributed to the human relationship with alcohol (McGovern, 2009). Humans are biologically adapted to consume efficiently moderate amounts of alcohol with clear benefits such as increased heart health and longevity, since seasonally abundant fruits attracted consumers in order to stock up on internal energy reserves (ibid).

Jumping forward in the timeline of Earth and what can be considered modern humans, it is ideal to recall that this paper already presented the consumption of beer as an alternative to unsafe drinking water, another health benefit for survival. Discovery of beer feasibly occurred as humans shifted from a nomadic lifestyle to settlements near wild grain growth areas, harvesting the wild grains and soaking them for consumption; extended storage of the soaked grains fermented from wild yeasts, creating beer (Standage, 2009). Storage of this early beer was simple with the integration of stone receptacles, animal stomachs, trees, shells, et cetera (ibid). Humans quickly recognized and assigned other values to grain, as early civilization economics relied on it, leading to wage payment in the form of bread and beer (ibid). This links the nourishment gained from beer with economic value, in addition to other social uses.

Early Societal Influences

Archeologists postulate that human consumption, and the resulting physiological and mental alterations, of beer contributed to artistic recordings, shaman or medicinal advancements, and cultural rituals (Tucker, 2011). Social normatives surrounding alcoholic beverages stem from sharing beer out of a communal container, as evidenced in Sumerian art depicting two persons drinking from straws in a single bowl (Standage, 2009). Additionally, since the natural fermentation process appeared unexplainable, considering the lack of knowledge of yeast, humans linked beer and the gods, connecting natural to the supernatural; symbolic offerings of “raising a glass” continue into modern society (ibid).

Americans Continue Drinking

In Colonial times, taverns were popular gathering places, extending the connection between human society and beer. Political changes, such as the Sons of Liberty meeting in taverns sympathetic to the democratic cause, or the writing of the first draft of the Declaration of Independence by Thomas Jefferson in a tavern in Philadelphia, are also linked to this alcoholic beverage (Ascher, 2012). Other notable characters in United States history are reportedly brewers: George Washington’s recipes currently reside in the Library of Congress and Thomas Jefferson began home brewing after his presidency (Staten, 2013).

After Prohibition, the growth and standardization of the beer industry increased, leading to the large-scale manufacturers who dominated the market for many years. Craft brewers continued to persevere, though. Popular microbrews diversify the available beer types and flavor profiles. Community culture links to local craft brewing companies, reflecting how the creation of the products uses resources.
Beer with a Conscience

Current social trends of permaculture, slow food, organic, and locavore habits are not widespread, but do influence dedicated home brewers. Those involved in permaculture may grow grains and hops. Finding local and organic sources for the ingredients is also an option. Backyard chickens, or other animals, potentially benefit from spent grains, or donation to persons who have these animals is possible. These dedicated home brewers likely frequent or support those craft breweries with similar philosophies and environmentally mindful behaviors. Luckily, craft breweries conscious of environmental impact are not scarce.

Greenhouse gases, energy usage, solid waste, and water usage are major concerns for these types of craft breweries (Brewers Association, 2013). Reduction of output such as greenhouse gases and solid waste benefits the local, and global, environment. Mindfulness of packaging materials and low energy and water usage are not only environmental benefits, but also an economic benefit. An additional economic benefit is, as stated previously, those consumers who intentionally patronize these breweries to promote the ecologically friendly sustainable practices surrounding a human cultural staple.

The Future is Now

Given the integration of beer, and other fermented beverages, with human society, it is unlikely the discontinuation of consumption will occur. Craft breweries focusing on sustainable and economical practices lend hope to shifting cultural expectations and awareness of from where human food really comes. This awareness will ideally return an ever-increasing portion of the human population to a more connected relationship with the land.

I fully support the home brewers and craft brewers who think and act sustainably. I recognize that humans have a relationship with fermented beverages, especially beer, and our current society is present due directly to consumption of beer. I also understand that many current social practices undeniably result from early human thoughts and culture surrounding beer. Human economy and ecology have and can continue to benefit from this drink. To hopes for a more sustainable human culture while remembering our past, I raise my glass.

References

Ascher, B. (2012). Global beer: The road to monopoly The American Antitrust Institute.

Baugher, K. (2013, November 11, 2013). Women and beer: A 4,500-year history is coming full circle. The Atlantic.

Beer100.com.Beer history. Retrieved November 18, 2013, from http://www.beer100.com/history/beerhistory.htm

Brewers Association. (2013). Sustainability tools. Retrieved November 19, 2013, from http://www.brewersassociation.org/pages/business-tools/sustainability-Tools

Butler, S. (2013). The hoppy history of beer. Retrieved November 18, 2013, from http://www.history.com/news/hungry-history/the-hoppy-history-of-beer

Cavalieri, D., McGovern, P. E., Hartl, D. L., Mortimer, R., & Polsinelli, M. (2003). Evidence for S. cerevisiae fermentation in ancient wine. Journal of Molecular Evolution, 57(1), S226-S232.

Hieronymous, S. (2013). History of beer: Timeline. Retrieved November 18, 2013, from http://www.craftbeer.com/the-beverage/history-of-beer/timeline

Kikim Media (Producer), & Kapany, K. K. (Director). (2009, 10/30/2009). The botany of desire. [Video/DVD] pbs.org.

McGovern, P. E. (2009). Uncorking the past: The quest for wine, beer, and other alcoholic beverages. Berkeley, CA: University of California Press.

Raley, L. (1998). Concise timeline of beer history. Retrieved November 18, 2013, from http://www.beerhistory.com/library/holdings/raley_timetable.shtml

Samuel, D. (1996). Archaeology of ancient egyptian beer. Journal of the American Society of Brewing Chemists, 54(1), 3-12.

Standage, T. (2009). A history of the world in 6 glasses. New York, NY: Walker & Company.

Staten, C. (2013). 3 beery facts you didn't know about the founding fathers. Retrieved November 19, 2013, from http://draftmag.com/beereditor/3-beery-facts-you-didnt-know-about-the-founding-fathers/

Thornton, M. (1991). Alcohol prohibition was a failure. (Cato Policy Analysis No. 157 ed.) Cato Institute.

Tucker, A. (2011, July-August). The beer archeologist. Smithsonian Magazine.

Connections

For the past couple of weeks I've been thinking extensively about connections. Job #1 has eaten my brain power lately as I prepare for connecting digitally with a classroom, as well as preparing for a conference session on digital interpretation...oh, and the conference itself. Inundation with school work and jobs 1 and 2 have limited my available time to foster my relationships with friends and colleagues. This is concerning. Upon entering the doctoral program I was told jokingly (only not really): see you in four years! No. I don't want to be that person.
This week's conference reminded me of the importance of maintaining those connections. Seeing colleagues and friends again after at least a year is beyond fantastic. Not only am I lucky enough to learn from these amazing people, but I get to make new connections and reaffirm old ones. Even if it's one week each year that friendships are renewed, or utilizing social media to keep track of what is happening in others' lives, connecting is immensely important.
And now the conference is drawing to a close. My session was moderately well received (guess it's difficult to connect about digital connections...especially with technical difficulties!). New and old friends are disbursing back to homes far far away. And I feel a bit sad. Saying goodbye is always difficult, especially after learning together, learning from, and enjoying the incredibly delightful company of these remarkable people.
I am looking forward to getting a little extra sleep. Ha! Who am I kidding? Sleep is for normal people! And I am most certainly not normal. But I hope that all my friends and colleagues don't feel neglected as I somewhat withdraw from my previous level of connection. It's not you, it's me. Wait, that sounds like we're breaking up. No. Connections are very important to me, and even if my friends and colleagues haven't heard from me in a while, I still think and care about them (you!) all very much.

Citing sources is neat

As I sit down to complete (yet another) paper, I realized something. I'm tired of citing sources. This does not bode well for the remaining 3.5+ years of this program. Or me.

I'm not exactly sure why I am so tired of finding and citing sources. The finding and reading of the information is certainly interesting. I love expanding my knowledge in all things. But the actual synthesis of the published information into my own content sometimes frustrates me. Clearly other people think the same thing I think. Instead of citing, let's all just create a happy like-minded circle and agree to not cite other sources. Done.

Ok, now back to reality-ville. I get it. I understand why finding supporting documentation is important, at least until I'm considered an "expert" and can randomly spout all sorts of fun information for others to cite. I'm looking forward to that. Sort of. Not really. All kinds of pressures are associated with that 'level of knowledge'. Eek. Honestly it scares the bejeezus  out of me (that's actually a thing. You don't want it scared out of you. It's an important internal part). I struggle with the idea of being an expert, or someone others look to as experienced or knowledgeable. I think it's because I feel I have so much more to learn. And my idolization of others I deem experts doesn't allow me to consider myself anywhere near that level. Healthy humility, right? Sure. We'll go with that.

Apparently I'm still in my rabbit hole. So, to provide some levity and share with you just how neat nature is, here is a video for your viewing pleasure. And just for clarity: it's neat (and I don't present this way! Although that would be neat).

Random Ramblings

I'm off my weekly schedule. Sorry about that. There just hasn't been good inspiration for a blog post, plus I've been a bit mired in a lengthy paper. Which has also led to a trip down a rabbit hole called fear of failure. So my brain's been a bit foggy. I try to keep this light and funny, but life isn't always light and funny. Blogging isn't about just sharing the good. I mean, it can be, but then is the blogger respected for being real? I don't know the answer to that. Granted, we all know my motivation for blogging is respect (that's written in sarcastic font, just so you know).
Regardless, I don't have anything really clever or exciting to share just now. Although I recently realized that each of my posts have included some big message. My interpreter training seems to motivate me to lead you along a path to a connection or message at the end, something for you to "take away" and ponder. It amused me to realize this because it's not a conscious action.
Don't worry though, this post is just random ramblings. No message intended here. I am currently accepting applications for a ghost writer, though (that's a joke. Unless someone is interested. Then it's not). Guess it's time to finish up the latest paper before moving on to the next assignment.

CrossFit People

Uh oh. I'm becoming one of those people. The CrossFit people.

I bought a Groupon for one month of CrossFit for two people and convinced my sister she wanted to do it with me. The plan was to start at the beginning of September so that it would be easier to keep track of the "month". Well, that didn't happen. Last week I convinced her we needed to start so on Wednesday we went for the first session. Oh my goodness did that kick my rear! But it felt really good to actually move. Lately I've been attached to a computer for job #1 (which isn't always the case), of course for job #2 (because it's online), and also for homework. I've been craving some physicality. I couldn't go again on Friday because of the class time ending at the exact time I needed to be at job #1, so Monday it was. This is probably a good thing because Friday came and I was still incredibly sore, much to my own personal amusement as well as the amusement of my coworkers. It's funny when you laugh and it hurts. Which makes you laugh more. Which hurts. Which makes you laugh even more. I'm sure you can see where this leads.

Monday was great. It kicked my rear, but not in the same way. In the good way. Today is Wednesday and again job #1 start time requirements conflicted with class time. And I found myself disappointed. I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow and Friday. I could bore you with all the biological reasons why physical activity is good for you, not just on a basic health level, but also chemically. I won't, though. Google it. Or check out this link, which my sister happily shared with me: Scientific study on CrossFit.

I also think my drive to go back to CrossFit ties in with SQUIRREL!s. Something the core faculty discussed in our first colloquium week was taking care of ourselves, ensuring we have personal resilient abundance. It's a play on sustainability terminology. PhD humor. We're nerds.

Taking the opportunity to chase the SQUIRREL! and keeping up normal routines (or new ones of working out) helps the mind mull over and consider different topics and concepts. Have you ever sat in front of a project wracking your brain for ideas when you're stumped? Then decide to step away for a bit and suddenly have a brilliant idea, or just can return to the task a short time later with a fresh perspective? Yea. Like that. Chase the SQUIRREL! Go do CrossFit! Feed the body and mind.

I'll see you at the gym tomorrow. And Friday. Where you'll hear that once you finish this last exercise of the warm up (which is remarkably like the entire boot camp workout I experienced (again through a Groupon) in May) that the real work out starts. Woot - getting our rears kicked for resilient abundance.

Squirrel!

I don't want to bore you with repetition of doctoral work. It's hard. And time consuming. There. You're updated now.

A few years ago I attended a workshop on incorporating humor in presentations. It was hilarious, especially when one presenter described that he has ADOS: attention deficit...ooh shiny!

Now, you might think this isn't really that bad to have, this ADOS. It's not, in most cases. Especially if you are a bird that likes to collect shiny things (male bower birds have been observed collecting iridescent beetle exoskeletons to impress the ladies. hubba hubba). I've seen grackles sitting on top of the side mirror of the van I drive for work staring at her/himself and wiping his/her beak on the mirror. This is unpleasant when attempting to drive around town and see out of the side mirror.

I was introduced to a new type of ADOS called SOS when at my colloquium week. This SOS is not the "I need help now" kind. Instead it's "Shiny Object Syndrome". Sounds remarkably similar to ADOS. Now, this tends to rear its ugly head when it's least desired, like when a paper is due. But the problem is, there is always a paper due. I don't think ADOS or SOS are really bad things. I think of it as a way for my brain to take a break from consciously concentrating on various philosophical topics...like research methods. But it's not a complete shut down. The human brain needs time to process. Sometimes something completely seemingly unrelated can spark fresh ideas or perspectives. Did you watch the TV show House? Like that, only less angry drug addict and more crazy PhD student with a very full life.

In fact, a conversation with a good friend brought an interesting new application of SOS. Squirrels. There was a delightful movie in 2009 about an old man who didn't want to leave his house and so inflated a ridiculous number of balloons and flew away. Some might say this is a kid movie. I argue it's only labeled a kid movie if you aren't a kid at heart. I am most definitely a kid at heart. Anywho, in this movie there is a marvelous dog named Dug. Dug, and the other dogs in the movie, are frequently distracted momentarily by SQUIRREL!

But then the dogs returned to the task at hand...err, paw.

I plan to embrace my SQUIRREL! moments, allow my brain the time to process, enjoy the moment, and move forward with tasks at hand.

A week in the life of a penguin...

Being a penguin is tough. Especially an Adélie penguin. Imagine living in Antarctica with extremely harsh, cold winters and having to travel many hundreds of miles from pack ice to the ocean to find food. And finding food is becoming more difficult each day as competition increases with large strange mammals who travel in loud, not-ice-or-rock floating icebergs collecting all the yummiest of the fish and krill. Plus, while warmer temperatures and stronger winds make it a little easier to get to the ocean to hunt, there is less ice on which to live. I decided to leave this mundane ice-bound life and travel to an exotic place - the desert. There are many similarities between the antarctic landscape and the desert landscape. Not much grows there. Not a lot of drinkable water is available. But the desert I traveled to doesn't have snow for me to eat as a source of water like in Antarctica. And cactus doesn't taste very good to me. Fish aren't abundant here, but they are becoming less abundant back home too. Plenty of rocks are available for naps, although they are a bit warm. Locating the perfect shady spot for a nap is a bit tricky, as most things in the desert are pokey.



My migration is because I heard there is availability in fungus gardening, so for a little fresh perspective I decided to try my flipper at it. I've spent the last week really focusing on the little garden that was overgrown. It took a lot of effort! Little by little I selected the fungi, mainly mushrooms, that needed to be removed and carefully plucked them one by one. I saw a mushroom that seemed to be small, but the mycelium (or root-like structures) were much deeper than expected. It took me almost 4 hours to learn about this special type of mushroom, research how to remove it, and finally pluck it! But I was awarded a certificate that I'm told I have to keep forever. Maybe that's so I don't have to do all that work again to remove the same kind of mushroom in the future. During this time I was told I should go to the vet to get some tests done, just for funsies, and potentially extra treats. The tests might help other penguins in the future, but also could involve taking medicine. I don't like medicine. It was difficult, but I think I presented a good argument against it. Plus I don't need extra treats. Then I pulled another mushroom. That one was a little taller and quite pretty, so I didn't really want to remove it from the garden since it was so nice to look at, but I can see now that it needed to be done.

Still another mushroom needed plucking. This is a difficult job! The managers of the fungus garden are relentless in their demands. And so many mushrooms need pulling in such a short time! I think it's probably a combination of the weather and time of year. Regardless, this one took a little extra effort and some reflection. I didn't use a mirror though. It was the kind of reflection where a penguin has to consider who she is as a fungus gardener as well as what she knows, then apply these to future fungus gardening ideas. I learned some new words during this one. Like ontology. That's the part about who a penguin is.
The little garden still needed attention, though.There was a huge mushroom that took help from a good friend penguin to decide the best way to cull it from the rest. We had to follow careful gardening guidelines and work together to accomplish our goal. Luckily, we were very successful, and even pulled out that mushroom a few days earlier than we absolutely had to. Flipper high fives were shared. I love flipper high fives.

I can barely take a moment to peek at how the garden is taking shape because there is still one more big mushroom that needs to be removed quickly. And this one removal is going to be carefully watched by a different penguin. Who knew so many penguins were interested in fungus gardening? I'm told that I am committed to four years as a fungus gardener. Good thing there are some other penguins here to keep me company. Maybe my efforts here in the desert will help all the penguins back home. Good thing I have social media to keep in touch, since I don't think I'll be seeing anyone in the near future! Maybe the garden managers will give me vacation time...oh, that big one isn't going to pull itself, they say. Back to work.

The fungus among us

A dear friend of mine told me that the Bornean ducks (not technically the species name, just a descriptor of where I saw and took a photo of them. The ducks.) photo at the top is boring and needed to be changed. This person is no longer a dear friend. Not really. The suggestion was that I mix up the photographs used. I was skeptical at first. I like my Bornean ducks. They remind me of a delightful part of my Master's journey, including the fantastic homestay family I quickly grew to love and now miss terribly. But, I can also understand that looking at the same old photo each time you read these ground-breaking amalgamations of thought isn't very appealing. So, my no-longer-but-really-always dear friend sent me some fantastic photos and gave me permission to use them. You may notice I've played around with the appearance - new photo, a new background, font colors, etc. - because you definitely pay that close attention to things.

The photo I fell in love with, which you should see if you aren't viewing this on the mobile version, is one of a fungus taken on an island south of Tierra del Fuego (which makes this song pop into my head: http://youtu.be/OkEedQGZ5Q0 enjoy!) by my dear friend (who hopefully is fine with my quest for anonymity and doesn't desire to be named). Responses to hearing (or reading) the word 'fungus' probably range from accepting to "ewww!" because of varying levels of experience. Maybe you love to eat mushrooms. Maybe you hate mushrooms. Maybe you've been lucky enough to be a host for a fungus on your feet or other body parts. It's ok. I don't judge. Maybe you've geeked out at zombie-creating fungus (I totally geek out on this every. single. time.), like this:


Perhaps you've even equated fungus growth to homework. No? Just me, then? Ok. Well, here goes. Homework is like a fungus. If you don't address it in a timely manner, it just keeps growing, especially under the right conditions, such as a doctoral program. Fungus (i.e. homework) doesn't stop for your full time job, additional part time job, or the most important part of your life: parenthood. Instead, it sits quietly in the corner (i.e. computer), slowly accumulating and expanding until one day (read: many sleepless nights) you have to buckle down and apply some elbow grease just to catch up with the growth. But you never can eradicate it. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. Some fungus is quite beautiful, such as the one shown in the photo. Learning is also beautiful, and homework is just the "proof" of learning.

So, I guess it's time to buckle down and prepare to apply elbow grease for the foreseeable sleepless nights future. I am currently accepting donations in the form of coffee gift cards. Or just the coffee. My favorite is iced nonfat double chocolate mocha, in case you're wondering.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall...

Know what is reflective? Tape (the reflective kind, of course). Mirrors (except the one the evil queen has from the Snow White story).
Know what is not reflective? People.
You may want to argue this point with me, but read on to understand my viewpoint on this.
It seems to me that the use of the word reflection (as a descriptor for a personal practice instead of what you see in the mirror) is an attempt to add distinction to something, be it an educational program, or a professional practice, et cetera. This popped up for me during part of a homework assignment I was attempting to complete while willing the beginnings of a migraine to really just be afterimage from looking at the light on my desk. (And, in case you were wondering, it was not afterimage. Stupid migraine. Not only do I have the smallest measurement for height in my family, which I term "fun-sized", but I am also lucky enough to get migraines. Thanks, Mother.) The homework included watching a TED talk. I love TED talks.
(Watch one of my favorites:   
No, this one was not the homework. Still worth it. Probably more so.)
The one I watched was a chemistry teacher talking about how learning is messy. Yes, pause for a moment to appreciate the irony in that statement from a chemistry teacher. His point was that learning doesn't happen linearly. The suggested three rules of engagement for learning included: Practice reflection. There's that word again. But the speaker continues and explains in a way I like. He says that what we learn takes care, and revision. I like this word better. I tend toward analytical thinking. When I experience something I take time to think through the experience, the way it made me feel, how I might alter my responses in the future, what I can do to make it happen again (if it's a good experience, of course!), or prevent it from happening again, and so on. Revision.
Reflection, in my mind, has no action point. No personal change. In fact, the Dictionary.com definition under the word history and origin is:

late 14c., in reference to surfaces, from L.L. reflexionem (nom.reflexio) "a reflection,"  

lit. "a bending back".

It's just looking back at what happened...and then...nothing. Oh yay! That just happened! What's next?

So, what is next? Is 'reflective practice' accurate terminology? I maintain that inclusion of 'reflective practice' or 'reflection' within educational programs and professional environments is just lip service to add perceived distinction or prestige. But I also acknowledge that I have no quality succinct alternate to accurately describe what is intended by these insufficient words. Maybe just reflection and revision. Naw, that sounds too edit-y. No one likes editing or being edited (did that bring to mind the dreaded red pen? It did for me!). Unless you're weird. Then you probably do. Of course we all know I'm weird. Damnit. 

Oh, and if you were about to chastise me for not citing my sources, here's the link to the TED talk that I referenced: www.ted.com/talks/ramsey_musallam_3_rules_to_spark_learning.html 

Enjoy.