This week begins my second residency at school. The program I am in is partial residency, so this first year I came to school in August, again this week, and will again in May. That very first one was intensely anxiety-inducing, especially leading up to it. Coming into this week I thought I had overcome that, but I realized as the first day quickly approached that I was again feeling anxious, but this time for different reasons.
I have enjoyed this break from school work. Don't get me wrong, I love learning, and synthesizing information, and writing...mostly...but the amount of work is pretty intense. That's not entirely bad, but I feel I have become a master at balancing. The process of deciding where to focus my attention and efforts depending on immediacy is a little like hunting.
Hunting is a skill with which many Americans have lost connection. The advent of mass agriculture makes acquiring proteins much simpler, and separate from historical methods. I'm going to take a step back and acknowledge that earlier in my life I resisted the idea of hunting for my meat. In fact, as a child, my siblings teased me mercilessly, pushing against my delicate sensibilities and connection to animals. I loved bologna sandwiches (go ahead, sing the bologna song..."my bologna has a first name..." you're welcome). I recall a time when my sister lovingly, ahem, stuck her lips out and made mooing sounds at me before and after telling me the various animal parts put together to create the lunch meat. If I thought about what animal I was eating I couldn't eat it. Putting that face to the food was incredibly upsetting.
Into my adult years I began to understand the need to appreciate where my food comes from and how it got to my plate. My environmental and animal connection sensibilities still exist, but I feel I've grown in accepting my role as an animal in the larger global ecosystem. The human body is made to eat both plants and meat. Our digestion system runs most efficiently with a variety of food items. Our dental structure is made to tear meat and grind plants.
It wasn't until I read an article assigned for my graduate course to Namibia two summers ago that my perspective truly shifted. The article discussed the connection of the hunter to the hunted, and that truly personal journey of searching for, killing, and preparing the kill for consumption. I don't know if I will ever have the ability to shoot an animal to eat, but I am interested in participating in the hunt someday.
Earlier I likened balancing life to hunting. Seems a stretch, but come along with me on this. The hunt begins with research. Searching for where to find the animals, taking the time to explore and think. This applies to developing topics for papers as well as looking ahead to work and other life commitments. Then comes the action. This takes various forms. It could be actually writing that paper. Or going grocery shopping. Or going to job #1. Or fulfilling tasks for job #2. Or spending time with the family. Or sleeping. These are in no particular order of priority. Finally it's preparation for consumption. Within this educational path, I consider this portion as the synthesization and integration of the information and discussion and topics. In other parts of my life, I think of this as the appreciation of the richness around me, in my family, my employment, my circle of influence. The consumption part is the changing of who I am and what I do, as whatever you take into your body truly becomes part of you, altering your very chemical composition.
I do struggle between the desire to live life with intention and the desire to accept and grow from what the universe presents to me. Drawing the connection between hunting and daily life does present a bit of that balance. Not all hunts are successful. Sometimes life isn't what we want or hope. I accept the opportunity to make change where I can, live with intention as much as possible, but am also open to the chaos of life.
Bring it.
20 January 2014
01 January 2014
Time to start anew?
Ah. It's a new year.
As I age (but remain at a delightfully young mindset of about 25 years old...although some may argue it's closer to 13), I realize that staying up late to ring in the New Year is not nearly as appealing as attempting to get sleep. Contributions to that are probably the offspring and a job. More specifically, a job at a location that doesn't close on the first of the year. Plus, I think I view a new year a bit differently than most of the world.
Calendars are arbitrary tracking devices. Life is full of patterns, so using a calendar allows humans to keep track and monitor these patterns. It also allows us to know what to expect, which feels safe. Each day is fresh, a new beginning, a delightful opportunity to approach life with awake eyes and a sense of purpose. Most of us don't, though. It's easy to get comfortable in the patterns of daily life, and therefore looking at a brand new calendar with a new year number feels like it is a new beginning.
And with a new beginning comes resolutions. I find it delightfully amusing that new year resolutions are so popular. Now, don't get mad at me, I have a good reason, I feel (and I've made resolutions in the past). We start out the new year listing all the things we want to change, which essentially reinforces all the bad habits or perceived personal negative characteristics. By springtime, some of the new good habits have stuck and continue, but many of the other resolutions start falling away, forgotten. Nearing November and December (well, maybe starting in October, if I want to be truly accurate), we begin to celebrate those bad habits again: overindulgence, consumerism, etc. All under the guise of holidays. The end of December approaches and we reflect on the year, picking out the bad and forgetting the good, looking for what we want to be "better". Last year and this, I've seen an idea/suggestion passed around on social media - a jar. Simply a jar. Sounds profound, right? (that sentence is written in sarcastic font, btw) But, really, it's amazing. Each time something good happens, no matter how big or small, it is written on a slip of paper and placed in the jar. Over the course of the year, all the good adds up, filling the jar. At the end of the year, the jar is opened and all the good is revisited.
I think it is a much more difficult thing to focus on the good than on the bad. Wallowing in negativity is so easy. And I really don't understand why. I like to approach every occurrence, whether good or bad, but especially bad, as a learning opportunity. Every situation teaches me something. It could be something about myself (which it often is) or about someone (or something) else. Yea, sometimes sucky things happen. But it happened. It's over. It's in the past. Learn from it and look forward to the future, perhaps changing your own behavior to prevent it from happening again.
One thing I hope we can all change for the future is the holidays. And looking to the good in the past can help. I had an experience where a last minute make-the-offspring-uber-happy-but-in-a-simple-keep-the-magic-of-Christmas-alive-way purchase was desired. I ended my work day and drove to the store. The amount of vehicles entering the shopping area was staggering. Apparently many others were making these types of purchases! I walk into the store and can't find what I wanted, so I approach an employee. This person appeared so worn out and unhappy. I felt ashamed. Ashamed of myself for adding to the crazy of this day and time of year. Ashamed that I am an American and our society so strongly encourages consumerism, wrongly equating it to happiness. Although I wanted to hurry because being in a store at that time on that day with the rest of the insanity was not happy-inducing, I took the necessary time to be polite and understanding and appreciative of this person standing in front of me. I hope that moment was a tiny bright spot in her day. I hope that others were polite and understanding and appreciative to add more bright spots. My small purchase complete, I exited and made my way home.
What I hope for the future is remembering the purpose of the holidays. It's not buying things for people, and by this I mean just a bunch of items that are not needed and have no feeling or intention (aside from just buying to add to the number of gifts) behind them. It's about sharing joy and love for each other. It's about spending quality time together. It's about rediscovering why these people are important to you. I also hope your decisions bring you joy. I hope you focus on the good. I hope that by doing so you invite more good and joy to surround you and spread to others.
Every day is new. Every day holds the promise of something amazing. Amazing doesn't have to be gigantic, it can be a smile on another's face, a hug from a dear friend, a realization of a goal. You hold the potential for amazing. Live it. Be it. Share it.
And if all that is way too deep for you, here's a delightful naughty word list of ways to be a better person. http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/
Happy 2014.
As I age (but remain at a delightfully young mindset of about 25 years old...although some may argue it's closer to 13), I realize that staying up late to ring in the New Year is not nearly as appealing as attempting to get sleep. Contributions to that are probably the offspring and a job. More specifically, a job at a location that doesn't close on the first of the year. Plus, I think I view a new year a bit differently than most of the world.
Calendars are arbitrary tracking devices. Life is full of patterns, so using a calendar allows humans to keep track and monitor these patterns. It also allows us to know what to expect, which feels safe. Each day is fresh, a new beginning, a delightful opportunity to approach life with awake eyes and a sense of purpose. Most of us don't, though. It's easy to get comfortable in the patterns of daily life, and therefore looking at a brand new calendar with a new year number feels like it is a new beginning.
And with a new beginning comes resolutions. I find it delightfully amusing that new year resolutions are so popular. Now, don't get mad at me, I have a good reason, I feel (and I've made resolutions in the past). We start out the new year listing all the things we want to change, which essentially reinforces all the bad habits or perceived personal negative characteristics. By springtime, some of the new good habits have stuck and continue, but many of the other resolutions start falling away, forgotten. Nearing November and December (well, maybe starting in October, if I want to be truly accurate), we begin to celebrate those bad habits again: overindulgence, consumerism, etc. All under the guise of holidays. The end of December approaches and we reflect on the year, picking out the bad and forgetting the good, looking for what we want to be "better". Last year and this, I've seen an idea/suggestion passed around on social media - a jar. Simply a jar. Sounds profound, right? (that sentence is written in sarcastic font, btw) But, really, it's amazing. Each time something good happens, no matter how big or small, it is written on a slip of paper and placed in the jar. Over the course of the year, all the good adds up, filling the jar. At the end of the year, the jar is opened and all the good is revisited.
I think it is a much more difficult thing to focus on the good than on the bad. Wallowing in negativity is so easy. And I really don't understand why. I like to approach every occurrence, whether good or bad, but especially bad, as a learning opportunity. Every situation teaches me something. It could be something about myself (which it often is) or about someone (or something) else. Yea, sometimes sucky things happen. But it happened. It's over. It's in the past. Learn from it and look forward to the future, perhaps changing your own behavior to prevent it from happening again.
One thing I hope we can all change for the future is the holidays. And looking to the good in the past can help. I had an experience where a last minute make-the-offspring-uber-happy-but-in-a-simple-keep-the-magic-of-Christmas-alive-way purchase was desired. I ended my work day and drove to the store. The amount of vehicles entering the shopping area was staggering. Apparently many others were making these types of purchases! I walk into the store and can't find what I wanted, so I approach an employee. This person appeared so worn out and unhappy. I felt ashamed. Ashamed of myself for adding to the crazy of this day and time of year. Ashamed that I am an American and our society so strongly encourages consumerism, wrongly equating it to happiness. Although I wanted to hurry because being in a store at that time on that day with the rest of the insanity was not happy-inducing, I took the necessary time to be polite and understanding and appreciative of this person standing in front of me. I hope that moment was a tiny bright spot in her day. I hope that others were polite and understanding and appreciative to add more bright spots. My small purchase complete, I exited and made my way home.
What I hope for the future is remembering the purpose of the holidays. It's not buying things for people, and by this I mean just a bunch of items that are not needed and have no feeling or intention (aside from just buying to add to the number of gifts) behind them. It's about sharing joy and love for each other. It's about spending quality time together. It's about rediscovering why these people are important to you. I also hope your decisions bring you joy. I hope you focus on the good. I hope that by doing so you invite more good and joy to surround you and spread to others.
Every day is new. Every day holds the promise of something amazing. Amazing doesn't have to be gigantic, it can be a smile on another's face, a hug from a dear friend, a realization of a goal. You hold the potential for amazing. Live it. Be it. Share it.
And if all that is way too deep for you, here's a delightful naughty word list of ways to be a better person. http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/
Happy 2014.
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