Convergence of paths

I started this blog as a way to process my journey through the doctorate program I have now officially begun, as this week is the orientation and colloquium week. I intend for Nonsense Interpreted to be light-hearted and sprinkled with humor, along with the general goofiness that occurs within my brain. This post is going to be a bit of a separation from that intention because this morning I was truly introduced to the members of my cohort and was personally impacted in a powerful way. The collection of incredible doctoral students astounds and humbles me, and makes me question (again) how I, little ol' me, could ever measure up to the knowledge and passion that emanate from these people.
At first I decided to just listen and really hear the information everyone shared, but then I found myself writing down little nuggets that resonated with me. I am not attributing these to anyone in particular (the story you are about to hear (read) is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent...), because, honestly, I'm terrible at remembering names, but really because it truly is a collection from the group. Initially, we heard that there is a process that students go through: first elation, then rejection, then integration, and finally transformation. I'll come back to this in a bit. As I continued to listen I realized the level of self-actualization in the room was staggering. These people have walked their paths and really learned about themselves along the way: their passions, their choices, their strengths, their pasts, and their goals. I was struck by how many of us are educators and regularly get up in front of groups of people, but so many very openly expressed nervousness. And surprise at that nervousness. I considered that the nervousness stemmed from a sense of vulnerability. We are all joining together on this journey without really knowing where we will end up and how we will get there, or really who these people are that are taking the journey with us. But I also noted that even with this vulnerability that everyone has such a strong voice, and not in the sense of what a person sounds like, but in the deep rooted passion and individual identity.
We all also described connection, each in our own way, to the past that influenced who we are today. This description helped create interconnections within the group, I think, as the safety of the space created the opportunity to share. I attribute much of my passion for the natural world and my joy in nonformal education to my mother's influence (but don't tell her I said that!). Really, though, she taught me so much, without me ever realizing that I was learning. Wherever we went she helped us explore and experience the people and place. This continues to influence my appreciation for wherever I go, my desire to be open to what a place can show me. It also drives me to spark passion and connection within others to the natural world.
I also recognize the strength in each member of this cohort group. Strength not only in will, but also in overcoming the vulnerability and really opening up to a bunch of strangers. I listened intently to stories of perseverance, passion, and cultural connection. I absorbed and realized my own influence and readiness for this process as I heard others describe theirs. I acknowledge again how humbled I am to have my path converge in this place with these people at this time.
The morning was a roller coaster of personal and emotional highs and lows. It didn't stop. The afternoon was coursework, and a good reminder that there is so much more in the world to learn. Then the day was rounded out by a discussion with a student who just finished the first year and an instructor who received a PhD through this program. It was difficult to receive the blunt delivery of the information that this program is hard. I have no illusions that this part of my life journey will be challenging and difficult, but I also don't like walking away feeling like I am attempting to climb an insurmountable summit.
So that brings me back to that process that was described in the beginning of the day: Elation-->Rejection-->Integration-->Transformation.
I felt a real sense of elation as the day dawned (that's a metaphor for the start of everything. I just got tired of saying "begun" and "started"). Rejection occurred at the end of the day. Integration of the information and processing of all I experienced, including recognition of the strength and power of those around me followed. Transformation as I end the day telling myself I can do this.
Problem is, I don't usually listen to myself. I mean, really, would you listen to someone who believes a tiger would climb into a van and shut the door behind him/her just to lie in wait? Me either. That's plain crazy talk.