Ever have that moment you feel completely and utterly powerless? Yet you still want to scream and rage at the universe. And find some concrete way to change the hand dealt. But you can't because those cards are stuck. And all you can do is stare at them. Perplexed. Frustrated.
I recently had that moment.
After that moment comes when you share with someone else the struggle you are experiencing. And you feel some relief. That relief comes with a bit of a price, though, because you've placed a bit of the burden you were carrying on someone else's shoulders.
I find it incredibly difficult to share my burden because others already carry burdens.
The important thing to remember is there are people in your life willing to shoulder some of that burden and responsibility. They are caring and loving enough to take on a little of your struggle so you can pick yourself up and prepare for the tough path ahead.
And the path ahead is definitely rocky and rough. The unfortunate news is a person very close to me and who I cherish and love more than words can ever express was just diagnosed with cancer.
It's the form of cancer than can never be cured.
Luckily there is hope in the possibility of remission.
I'm not sure how I feel about knowing approximately how and when I (or anyone else) will die. I understand and accept that all life must end. And it can end at any time. For me, the not knowing means to truly live in the moment. I don't say that to imply not making responsible choices or planning for the future. Instead, to appreciate and enjoy the joys and happiness in life, not dwelling on the negativity. And not looking back on the past with regret. But also not looking to the future with impending sadness.
So I am currently staring at the path in front of me, rife with obstacles and challenges. I can choose to wallow in the difficulty, or I can choose to celebrate every little success.
As I take the first step on this path, I am prepared to celebrate every success, to hold the hands of those on this path with me, and even to carry them when they aren't strong enough to navigate on their own. And damnit, I'm going to live in every moment. To feel it. To embrace. To enjoy it. Because it's worth it.
05 December 2014
24 September 2014
So much love
Hello again. The fall semester started, coursework is gearing up again, and life is busy. As is the norm. Apart from all the "normal", I recently enjoyed some travel time, and will again in the coming months. Just some quick trips here and there. And these experiences made me remember how incredibly very so much lucky I am to have such amazing and wonderful people in my life.
Growing up I learned to never expect to receive free handouts. I worked (and continue to work) hard to earn everything I have. I expect to do my fair share, and often more than my fair share. I don't ever want to be a burden. So my recent reminders of how wonderful the people I know are means more than I can adequately express, but I'll try to give you a snippet.
This summer I visited my parents. The generosity and heartfelt desire to ensure I thoroughly enjoyed my brief time there was palpable. I owe so much already to my parents for teaching me all the necessary life lessons, guiding me as I grew and continue to grow, supporting me, loving me. Spending time with them this way as an adult is invaluable and so much fun. We enjoyed an airboat ride through the wetlands, visited the zoo, swam at the beach, tasted multiple ice cream cones to compare the best ice cream shop, saw wild manatees, and laughed and loved.
I was going through one of my periodic moments of huge self-doubt, lack of self-confidence, self-defeatist and negative internal dialogues when a couple dear friends, separately, took precious time out of their days to give me pep talks. Their words and outpouring of support buoyed me into a much better internal mental and emotional place. I don't think I can ever repay their kindness, support, and time.
Recently I visited some friends and not only enjoyed delightful weather, but a sense of welcome much bigger than I expected. I was readily embraced into a beautiful community of friends. I know I disrupted the normal daily life just with my presence, but I never felt like a burden. Schedules were adjusted to accommodate me. Friend gatherings were moved so I could partake the delight, deliciousness, and togetherness. New experiences were planned just because I was there. Too many amazing things to list here. And the smiles, the laughter.
And coming soon I have plans to visit some other friends before attending a conference. My interactions with them are already so full of excitement and delight for being together that I can hardly wait to see them.
So, I implore you to share your love with the amazing people in your life. You never know how much it may mean to someone.
Go forth and build community. Embrace joy. Buoy those who need it. Smile. Laugh. Love.
So much love.
09 July 2014
Absence makes the heart grow fonder?
So far, the summer has been generally quite enjoyable. Job #1 is still super busy. Job #2 is on hold until potentially the fall. I am taking half the number of credits for school, although in a shortened amount of time. And I'm trying to eke out a few extra minutes to swim in the pool with the offspring as often as possible, which hopefully explains my lack of updating you on the mundane areas of my life. Plus I haven't any good stories to share lately, I feel.
Until this recent speed bump. I'm currently in a really strange space right now. My course instructor/mentor is phenomenal. So knowledgeable in the topic. Challenging me in ways I never expected (but hoped for!). And it's super scary. I feel like I am getting into a realm where few people exist. Yes, I know, the number of doctoral students compared to undergraduate level students is quite small. And the number of people who achieved Ph.D. level education is smaller still. Yet my yearning to know more and understand the "why" is taking me down a path that is a bit of a lonely walk. I didn't realize how much I relied upon the ability to discuss concepts and information and thoughts about topics with others.
Now, I don't want you to think that I'm looking for pity, or that even sympathy is undue. I realize that I am choosing this path. And it's likely lonely for a reason. Many people strive to learn more every day, but they don't spend this much money, time, stress, and sacrifice to do it. It is my choice. I don't regret it one bit. Personal growth is challenging for a reason. You can't truly share your personal growth with someone else. Each person approaches every moment with a wealth of experience, knowledge, and expectations...that is different from any other person. It's like a fingerprint. They may look similar to the untrained eye, but each is individual and unique.
I realized today that I was wishing for the space, time, and people to sit together with a group of people with similar interests and knowledge and really talk. Exchange ideas and thought processes. Engage in creative discourse. Kind of like the historical salons in Paris during the Enlightenment where the philosophers would gather and discuss. But the network of people knowledgeable in the topic I am currently studying is spread wide. And everyone is so busy nowadays, in our modern society.
Luckily, though, my instructor/mentor is challenging me to think very critically about some topics and concepts, then we will discuss through the magic of technology (isn't video chat awesome?). And he is incredibly patient. I fired off a quick response email to acknowledge a question, with the thought that deeper discussion will occur during our upcoming meeting. It did not meet his expectations or standards as an answer. And I recognize that... with some personal disappointment because I don't ever want him to feel I am not capable of meeting his expectations or that his valuable time is misspent with me. (Honestly I don't think he will ever feel this way, but it's a concern!)
So, I am learning and growing and questioning and applying. And it hurts a little (ok, maybe a lot). But it's also very good. Because, really, why spend the time, money, stress, and sacrifice without the exponential gains of personal growth?
Until this recent speed bump. I'm currently in a really strange space right now. My course instructor/mentor is phenomenal. So knowledgeable in the topic. Challenging me in ways I never expected (but hoped for!). And it's super scary. I feel like I am getting into a realm where few people exist. Yes, I know, the number of doctoral students compared to undergraduate level students is quite small. And the number of people who achieved Ph.D. level education is smaller still. Yet my yearning to know more and understand the "why" is taking me down a path that is a bit of a lonely walk. I didn't realize how much I relied upon the ability to discuss concepts and information and thoughts about topics with others.
Now, I don't want you to think that I'm looking for pity, or that even sympathy is undue. I realize that I am choosing this path. And it's likely lonely for a reason. Many people strive to learn more every day, but they don't spend this much money, time, stress, and sacrifice to do it. It is my choice. I don't regret it one bit. Personal growth is challenging for a reason. You can't truly share your personal growth with someone else. Each person approaches every moment with a wealth of experience, knowledge, and expectations...that is different from any other person. It's like a fingerprint. They may look similar to the untrained eye, but each is individual and unique.
I realized today that I was wishing for the space, time, and people to sit together with a group of people with similar interests and knowledge and really talk. Exchange ideas and thought processes. Engage in creative discourse. Kind of like the historical salons in Paris during the Enlightenment where the philosophers would gather and discuss. But the network of people knowledgeable in the topic I am currently studying is spread wide. And everyone is so busy nowadays, in our modern society.
Luckily, though, my instructor/mentor is challenging me to think very critically about some topics and concepts, then we will discuss through the magic of technology (isn't video chat awesome?). And he is incredibly patient. I fired off a quick response email to acknowledge a question, with the thought that deeper discussion will occur during our upcoming meeting. It did not meet his expectations or standards as an answer. And I recognize that... with some personal disappointment because I don't ever want him to feel I am not capable of meeting his expectations or that his valuable time is misspent with me. (Honestly I don't think he will ever feel this way, but it's a concern!)
So, I am learning and growing and questioning and applying. And it hurts a little (ok, maybe a lot). But it's also very good. Because, really, why spend the time, money, stress, and sacrifice without the exponential gains of personal growth?
29 May 2014
Happygrams
Ever have a moment when a mirror is abruptly shoved in front of you? Not just the kind that shows you your outside, but one that shows you your character and personality very starkly. Essentially forcing you to carefully review your very essence with an extremely critical eye. It's not fun. But periodically necessary.
Sometimes a person's circumstances offer opportunity to blindly continue on a path of comfort, confidence, and unhealthy egotism. That mirror returns humble appreciation for hard work, lack of knowledge, luck, desire for growth, and continued love of learning.
I recently experienced an episode with a mirror. I didn't expect it, nor desire it, but I certainly appreciated it (after a little bit of wallowing in self-pity). It's likely I was "getting a bit too big for my britches" as the saying goes and needed a little reminder of who I am and who I want to be. And how to get there.
Appreciation is incredibly important. I greatly appreciate the people in my life who support me, inspire me, push me toward my desires and hopes and goals, and even push that mirror in front of my face when I need it. I know without these incredible people there is no way I would be where I am today. Nor where I hope to be in the future.
I'm not sure if the people in my life know how much I appreciate them. How happy I am that they are in my life to make me a better person. How humbled I am by their support and love.
I've decided to happygram these wonderful people. Not all at once. Periodically. Unexpectedly. Sincerely.
What is a happygram, you ask? A note - handwritten, electronically written, verbally spoken, etc. - that expresses appreciation. Most likely for no known reason at all, just for the recipient's mere existence.
I hope that you all take a moment to appreciate the ones in your life who make you better. Spread some happygrams. Not just once. But often. For the rest of your life.
Sometimes a person's circumstances offer opportunity to blindly continue on a path of comfort, confidence, and unhealthy egotism. That mirror returns humble appreciation for hard work, lack of knowledge, luck, desire for growth, and continued love of learning.
I recently experienced an episode with a mirror. I didn't expect it, nor desire it, but I certainly appreciated it (after a little bit of wallowing in self-pity). It's likely I was "getting a bit too big for my britches" as the saying goes and needed a little reminder of who I am and who I want to be. And how to get there.
Appreciation is incredibly important. I greatly appreciate the people in my life who support me, inspire me, push me toward my desires and hopes and goals, and even push that mirror in front of my face when I need it. I know without these incredible people there is no way I would be where I am today. Nor where I hope to be in the future.
I'm not sure if the people in my life know how much I appreciate them. How happy I am that they are in my life to make me a better person. How humbled I am by their support and love.
I've decided to happygram these wonderful people. Not all at once. Periodically. Unexpectedly. Sincerely.
What is a happygram, you ask? A note - handwritten, electronically written, verbally spoken, etc. - that expresses appreciation. Most likely for no known reason at all, just for the recipient's mere existence.
I hope that you all take a moment to appreciate the ones in your life who make you better. Spread some happygrams. Not just once. But often. For the rest of your life.
15 May 2014
Blood, sweat, and tears...and laughter
Oh hello. How are you out there in blog-reading land? I've recently tried to take a hiatus from the computer. This past school year, it seems as if I spent more time with my computer than with other living beings. It's understandable, really, given the nature of my choice to participate in a limited residency (meaning mostly online) doctoral program. But the school year is nearly done. I am currently in my final week of residency for the first year.
As I look back at the journey of this year (not reflecting, though), I don't think I ever truly imagined sitting here now, after successfully navigating the coursework and daily life of these intense nine months. What a journey! To consider all I've learned about my passions, about sustainability, about the cohort model and what that means to me, about my capabilities, and about all that I don't know, I am flabbergasted.
The phrase "blood, sweat, and tears" comes to mind to describe this year. I realize learning is in my blood, really a part of who I am and about what I am passionate. And this year brought so much learning, stretching my realm of information and understanding. Plus sweat. This is the human body's natural cooling system. It's also a method of sharing pheromones to create connections between and among humans, and with other animals. While the first is helpful anytime, the second is a bit difficult when cohort members are separated by great distances. These residency weeks are quite valuable in immeasurable ways. Oh, and tears. From the very beginning I've seen the cleansing power of tears, the connecting power, the human-ness of tears. Tears started the connection of my cohort, and today I witnessed tears continuing the connection of other cohorts.
I want to add laughter to this phrase, especially in relation to this first year journey. Laughter is so imperative! Bringing fun and ridiculousness into the mundane enables healthy processing of experiences. I believe not taking oneself too seriously helps to grow and learn in many, if not all, situations. Laughter alleviates stress. Humor, while not universal, lightens the mood when it gets too serious. I also think laughter encourages social bonds, opening the door to deeper inter- and intra-personal connections. Within my cohort, we shared fun comics, viral memes and videos, and wished one another lots of unicorn poop and singing narwhals. Outside of my cohort, I incredibly appreciated my friends and family who sent me ridiculous dinosaur memes, crazy videos, and general humorous messages and posts to remind me that normal life continues. It doesn't matter that the squirrels they shared momentarily distracted, in fact, I welcomed the squirrels, and still do (and will!).
So what do I see in my next three years future? Blood, sweat, tears, and laughter. But it's not limited to the next three years. I see a future of living life to the fullest. Experiencing everything as fully as possible. Appreciating the blood, sweat, tears, and laughter of each moment. Embracing the challenges. Reveling in the successes. And laughing through it all.
As I look back at the journey of this year (not reflecting, though), I don't think I ever truly imagined sitting here now, after successfully navigating the coursework and daily life of these intense nine months. What a journey! To consider all I've learned about my passions, about sustainability, about the cohort model and what that means to me, about my capabilities, and about all that I don't know, I am flabbergasted.
The phrase "blood, sweat, and tears" comes to mind to describe this year. I realize learning is in my blood, really a part of who I am and about what I am passionate. And this year brought so much learning, stretching my realm of information and understanding. Plus sweat. This is the human body's natural cooling system. It's also a method of sharing pheromones to create connections between and among humans, and with other animals. While the first is helpful anytime, the second is a bit difficult when cohort members are separated by great distances. These residency weeks are quite valuable in immeasurable ways. Oh, and tears. From the very beginning I've seen the cleansing power of tears, the connecting power, the human-ness of tears. Tears started the connection of my cohort, and today I witnessed tears continuing the connection of other cohorts.
I want to add laughter to this phrase, especially in relation to this first year journey. Laughter is so imperative! Bringing fun and ridiculousness into the mundane enables healthy processing of experiences. I believe not taking oneself too seriously helps to grow and learn in many, if not all, situations. Laughter alleviates stress. Humor, while not universal, lightens the mood when it gets too serious. I also think laughter encourages social bonds, opening the door to deeper inter- and intra-personal connections. Within my cohort, we shared fun comics, viral memes and videos, and wished one another lots of unicorn poop and singing narwhals. Outside of my cohort, I incredibly appreciated my friends and family who sent me ridiculous dinosaur memes, crazy videos, and general humorous messages and posts to remind me that normal life continues. It doesn't matter that the squirrels they shared momentarily distracted, in fact, I welcomed the squirrels, and still do (and will!).
So what do I see in my next three years future? Blood, sweat, tears, and laughter. But it's not limited to the next three years. I see a future of living life to the fullest. Experiencing everything as fully as possible. Appreciating the blood, sweat, tears, and laughter of each moment. Embracing the challenges. Reveling in the successes. And laughing through it all.
13 April 2014
An open letter to my daughter
Today is the tenth anniversary of the day of the offspring's birth. Ten years. You often hear, as a parent, to appreciate each moment because it is gone before you know it.
Funny thing, time. In the moment it seems to take forever. Diapers? Forever! Co-sleeping? FOREVER! Terrible twosthrees? Forever! Looking back, it feels like it went so fast. Now, I look at little ones toddling around, discovering things in that toddler way and I miss it. I miss watching my offspring do all those things. I miss the way her tiny body fit just right in my arms, against my chest, snuggled close. And yet, I wouldn't trade her now for who/how she was then for anything in the world.
I chose to be a mom of only one. When I was younger I thought the perfect nuclear family of two adults and two offspring, with some pets, was my dream. Then THE offspring came along. I could not imagine loving any other child as much as I love her. And, not to denigrate any parent with multiples (I'm one of three), I didn't want to risk it. Working with kids for as long as I have, I am well aware of the ability to have "favorites". There are clear parental favorites in my family, too. It's natural and expected. Plus, being pregnant was not my forte. Glad I did it. Not interested in doing it again.
Being a parent is the single most difficult thing to do. Trust me, I know. I'm also a PhD student. Parenting is harder. You are responsible for a living, breathing creature who is solely dependent upon you for basic needs as well as shaping who s/he will be as a future adult. That's a TON of pressure. Making mistakes is inevitable. Lows are incredibly low. Highs are beyond high. And most of life is somewhere in between.
Ten years have passed since the offspring made her appearance. Ten incredibly rich years of truly amazing growth, for her and for me. It's about time I write her a letter.
To my daughter,
First and foremost, I love you. With every fiber of my being. You are my greatest teacher. I enjoy the pleasure of watching you grow and learn every day.
You are ten years old today. I can easily remember the day you decided it was time to meet the world. And that day you not only met it, but embraced it. Grabbed a hold of it and haven't let go. The love that surrounds you is immeasurable and infinite. And the love you share is the same.
I'm writing this letter to you to tell you how much you have, do, and will mean to me. I have made mistakes. I will continue making mistakes. But I know that, together, we will learn and move forward. I hope that what I teach you will help you as you grow, because I know that what you teach me has helped me grow in ways I cannot begin to describe.
As we grow together for the next ten years (and beyond!), I have some wishes for you.
I wish that no one will tell you that you cannot achieve something you want simply because you are female. I wish that if someone does, that you don't believe them.
I wish that you do not define yourself by what society expects. I wish you blaze your own trail with your passions, love, and thoughtfulness for your own desires.
I wish you continue to be kind and loving to everyone around you. True acceptance is an incredible thing.
I wish your beauty continues to radiate from within, capturing everyone near you in its warm glow.
I wish you persevere when things get hard, like homework. Or growing. Or relationships.
I wish you continue to love traveling. Exploring new places and meeting new people provide you with a view of the world like nothing else. Plus, the food is usually exciting!
I wish you always feel supported and loved.
I wish you have a realistic, yet positive view of the world. And do whatever you can to help the world around you.
I wish all others you encounter see your potential. And help you to achieve it. And if they don't, I wish you show it to them anyway.
I wish you continue to sing. Your voice is strong and beautiful. The world needs to hear it.
I wish you continue to dance. You exhibit pure joy when you dance.
I wish you forgive me my errors and always understand that I am human, that I make decisions that I think are best, even when they aren't.
I wish you always know how much I love you. Even when you're mad at me. Especially then.
I wish you find what makes you happy. I will support whatever that may be.
I wish for you to know that you can change the world. And that you needn't be afraid to do it. That you are strong enough, smart enough, good enough.
I wish you continue to find humor in the world. And that you keep sharing your funny. Laughter is healing, connection, beautiful.
I wish that you continue to love nature and stay connected to the natural world.
I wish you struggle. And overcome. And learn. And fall down. And get back up. And conquer.
This life is a beautiful gift. The fact that you are part of my life is the best gift I can ever hope to receive. Thank you for ten years of amazing. I look forward to as many years as possible of more amazing, joy, funny, beauty, passions, struggles, conquering, and love.
Most of all, love.
Funny thing, time. In the moment it seems to take forever. Diapers? Forever! Co-sleeping? FOREVER! Terrible twosthrees? Forever! Looking back, it feels like it went so fast. Now, I look at little ones toddling around, discovering things in that toddler way and I miss it. I miss watching my offspring do all those things. I miss the way her tiny body fit just right in my arms, against my chest, snuggled close. And yet, I wouldn't trade her now for who/how she was then for anything in the world.
I chose to be a mom of only one. When I was younger I thought the perfect nuclear family of two adults and two offspring, with some pets, was my dream. Then THE offspring came along. I could not imagine loving any other child as much as I love her. And, not to denigrate any parent with multiples (I'm one of three), I didn't want to risk it. Working with kids for as long as I have, I am well aware of the ability to have "favorites". There are clear parental favorites in my family, too. It's natural and expected. Plus, being pregnant was not my forte. Glad I did it. Not interested in doing it again.
Being a parent is the single most difficult thing to do. Trust me, I know. I'm also a PhD student. Parenting is harder. You are responsible for a living, breathing creature who is solely dependent upon you for basic needs as well as shaping who s/he will be as a future adult. That's a TON of pressure. Making mistakes is inevitable. Lows are incredibly low. Highs are beyond high. And most of life is somewhere in between.
Ten years have passed since the offspring made her appearance. Ten incredibly rich years of truly amazing growth, for her and for me. It's about time I write her a letter.
To my daughter,
First and foremost, I love you. With every fiber of my being. You are my greatest teacher. I enjoy the pleasure of watching you grow and learn every day.
You are ten years old today. I can easily remember the day you decided it was time to meet the world. And that day you not only met it, but embraced it. Grabbed a hold of it and haven't let go. The love that surrounds you is immeasurable and infinite. And the love you share is the same.
I'm writing this letter to you to tell you how much you have, do, and will mean to me. I have made mistakes. I will continue making mistakes. But I know that, together, we will learn and move forward. I hope that what I teach you will help you as you grow, because I know that what you teach me has helped me grow in ways I cannot begin to describe.
As we grow together for the next ten years (and beyond!), I have some wishes for you.
I wish that no one will tell you that you cannot achieve something you want simply because you are female. I wish that if someone does, that you don't believe them.
I wish that you do not define yourself by what society expects. I wish you blaze your own trail with your passions, love, and thoughtfulness for your own desires.
I wish you continue to be kind and loving to everyone around you. True acceptance is an incredible thing.
I wish your beauty continues to radiate from within, capturing everyone near you in its warm glow.
I wish you persevere when things get hard, like homework. Or growing. Or relationships.
I wish you continue to love traveling. Exploring new places and meeting new people provide you with a view of the world like nothing else. Plus, the food is usually exciting!
I wish you always feel supported and loved.
I wish you have a realistic, yet positive view of the world. And do whatever you can to help the world around you.
I wish all others you encounter see your potential. And help you to achieve it. And if they don't, I wish you show it to them anyway.
I wish you continue to sing. Your voice is strong and beautiful. The world needs to hear it.
I wish you continue to dance. You exhibit pure joy when you dance.
I wish you forgive me my errors and always understand that I am human, that I make decisions that I think are best, even when they aren't.
I wish you always know how much I love you. Even when you're mad at me. Especially then.
I wish you find what makes you happy. I will support whatever that may be.
I wish for you to know that you can change the world. And that you needn't be afraid to do it. That you are strong enough, smart enough, good enough.
I wish you continue to find humor in the world. And that you keep sharing your funny. Laughter is healing, connection, beautiful.
I wish that you continue to love nature and stay connected to the natural world.
I wish you struggle. And overcome. And learn. And fall down. And get back up. And conquer.
This life is a beautiful gift. The fact that you are part of my life is the best gift I can ever hope to receive. Thank you for ten years of amazing. I look forward to as many years as possible of more amazing, joy, funny, beauty, passions, struggles, conquering, and love.
Most of all, love.
03 April 2014
Words are a window
I used to write poetry when I was a teenager. I don't think I've looked back at my collection and read any of it in many trips around the sun. It was a great way to deal with all that teenage hormone-induced angst. My poetry has always been incredibly personal and very difficult for me to share. I imagine any creative person who puts so much of her/his innermost being into something that is quite subjective feels trepidation and nervousness when sharing. It's like opening a shutter on the window that faces out to the world, and seeing a crowd staring in at you.
For quite a few years I lacked inspiration to write, until recently. I feel fortunate that my studies include encouragement for creative expression. In fact, a recent assignment inspired the poem I am sharing with you today. Enjoy (or, you know, don't...but stop staring!).
she struggles to see beyond herself
but recognizes that the world encompasses all
the flowers that bloom for the briefest of moments
teach her to breathe deeply
and pause
appreciating the offering of beauty and scent
before it withers and falls away
moments of learning
flash and fade
For quite a few years I lacked inspiration to write, until recently. I feel fortunate that my studies include encouragement for creative expression. In fact, a recent assignment inspired the poem I am sharing with you today. Enjoy (or, you know, don't...but stop staring!).
Live
walking the path of growthshe struggles to see beyond herself
but recognizes that the world encompasses all
the flowers that bloom for the briefest of moments
teach her to breathe deeply
and pause
appreciating the offering of beauty and scent
before it withers and falls away
moments of learning
flash and fade
but she is forever changed
for having witnessed
smelled
and seen
the path is rife with obstacles
each different from the last
but all shaping the knowledge and body
of she who travels it
as patience is practiced
when once thought to be inconsequential
she looks back along her path
and witnesses the footprints sunk deep
enduring
realization that no other
will ever follow directly behind her
seeing, hearing, smelling all she does
but paths cross
footprints watched
every footstep brings her someplace new
as she carries her thoughts
knowledge
feelings
and wishes on her back
hopes and dreams surround her
embracing and caressing
shifting as the path of reality is revealed
the colors of her being
near-unrecognizable to
when she began her journey
shift yet
grow brighter
clearer
variant
subtle
brilliant.
for having witnessed
smelled
and seen
the path is rife with obstacles
each different from the last
but all shaping the knowledge and body
of she who travels it
as patience is practiced
when once thought to be inconsequential
she looks back along her path
and witnesses the footprints sunk deep
enduring
realization that no other
will ever follow directly behind her
seeing, hearing, smelling all she does
but paths cross
footprints watched
every footstep brings her someplace new
as she carries her thoughts
knowledge
feelings
and wishes on her back
hopes and dreams surround her
embracing and caressing
shifting as the path of reality is revealed
the colors of her being
near-unrecognizable to
when she began her journey
shift yet
grow brighter
clearer
variant
subtle
brilliant.
25 March 2014
Baggage claim
I have the travel itch.
No, not the kind you get from traveling to a damp place when your feet don't dry out completely. The kind where I'm itching to travel.
I love to travel. And, surprisingly for me, the past few years' worth of travel experiences prepared me for traveling to places off the beaten path. To experience new sites, sights, sounds, tastes, sensations. To transport me out of my comfort zone, so I have the potential to experience personal transformation.
I really want to travel.
Currently, though, I do not have any pleasure travel plans coming soon. I have seriously considered it, but with a homework list a mile long, plus job #1, and job #2, oh yea, and the offspring, time (and lack of available funding) is a bit of a hindrance. I'm currently running a triage center of life. Life sustenance gets priority. But that doesn't mean I'm not mentally packing my bags and taking off on a plane to somewhere.
Ah, baggage. No matter how carefully you pack, you always bring more than you need. Go on, shake your head at me while you remember that one time you packed so minimally and carefully, and used everything you put in your luggage or pack.You still brought extra baggage.
Wherever we travel, be it to work, or school, the store, or some far off location, we bring baggage. Intentionally or unintentionally, our baggage hitches a ride. Every experience, every breath, every thought, every feeling you experience up to this moment gets packed away in your baggage. You cannot control it.
What you can control, though, is what you unpack and use every trip you take. And, you can control how you react to others' baggage. Just like going to the airport and watching that passenger wheel the clearly oversized piece of luggage to the jetway, along with the personal item that is the size of your own carry-on. You watch that person struggle with stowing it (or not!) in the overhead bin as the awaiting passengers line up behind you, each carrying his or her own baggage. Do you empathize with the struggle? Are you frustrated by every inconvenience you experienced that day to that moment, leading you to glare and exhale sharply the longer it takes? Do you step in to help shoulder the burden, quickening the process and providing a moment of ease for another, and relief for those waiting?
Baggage is not a negative association to assign a person you tried to date, but it just didn't work out. Baggage doesn't have to be an oversized piece of luggage you mistakenly carry aboard a plane. Your baggage is the accumulation of your life experiences, your thoughts, your feelings, your growth. It does not define you, but it helps to shape who you are and how you choose to greet the world each moment you are alive.
How you package it is entirely up to you. I prefer to package mine, and unpack it, intentionally. Something subtle, yet beautiful, with a dash of color to individualize it. What is your preferred package?
No, not the kind you get from traveling to a damp place when your feet don't dry out completely. The kind where I'm itching to travel.
I love to travel. And, surprisingly for me, the past few years' worth of travel experiences prepared me for traveling to places off the beaten path. To experience new sites, sights, sounds, tastes, sensations. To transport me out of my comfort zone, so I have the potential to experience personal transformation.
I really want to travel.
Currently, though, I do not have any pleasure travel plans coming soon. I have seriously considered it, but with a homework list a mile long, plus job #1, and job #2, oh yea, and the offspring, time (and lack of available funding) is a bit of a hindrance. I'm currently running a triage center of life. Life sustenance gets priority. But that doesn't mean I'm not mentally packing my bags and taking off on a plane to somewhere.
Ah, baggage. No matter how carefully you pack, you always bring more than you need. Go on, shake your head at me while you remember that one time you packed so minimally and carefully, and used everything you put in your luggage or pack.You still brought extra baggage.
Wherever we travel, be it to work, or school, the store, or some far off location, we bring baggage. Intentionally or unintentionally, our baggage hitches a ride. Every experience, every breath, every thought, every feeling you experience up to this moment gets packed away in your baggage. You cannot control it.
What you can control, though, is what you unpack and use every trip you take. And, you can control how you react to others' baggage. Just like going to the airport and watching that passenger wheel the clearly oversized piece of luggage to the jetway, along with the personal item that is the size of your own carry-on. You watch that person struggle with stowing it (or not!) in the overhead bin as the awaiting passengers line up behind you, each carrying his or her own baggage. Do you empathize with the struggle? Are you frustrated by every inconvenience you experienced that day to that moment, leading you to glare and exhale sharply the longer it takes? Do you step in to help shoulder the burden, quickening the process and providing a moment of ease for another, and relief for those waiting?
Baggage is not a negative association to assign a person you tried to date, but it just didn't work out. Baggage doesn't have to be an oversized piece of luggage you mistakenly carry aboard a plane. Your baggage is the accumulation of your life experiences, your thoughts, your feelings, your growth. It does not define you, but it helps to shape who you are and how you choose to greet the world each moment you are alive.
How you package it is entirely up to you. I prefer to package mine, and unpack it, intentionally. Something subtle, yet beautiful, with a dash of color to individualize it. What is your preferred package?
04 March 2014
PhDLife means you join me on assignment
Hello again, blogiverse. More weeks than intended have passed since last I updated. I could easily describe all the ways in which my life is insanely busy, but it quickly starts to sound like excuses, so I will refrain. We can just chalk it up to hashtag phdlife.
I am currently working on an assignment. Not much of a surprise. And, strange, you say, that I am writing this in the midst of my assignment? Not really. This is part of my assignment. I am attempting to incorporate a variety of multimedia to fulfill the guidelines.
This assignment has many pieces. I will do my best to provide you an overview without your eyes glazing over and you getting the urge to click over to another tab. Essentially, addressing diversity and the various forms of justices (food, water, energy, climate) is the overall theme. Here's the rub, though. I consider these very human-centric. I am not saying that it is a bad thing to consider how our use of these resources is equitable or not amongst humans. And I am not saying that adjusting our use of these resources to be more equitable amongst humans is not a valid and desirable thing. I recognize that these concerns will also, hopefully, positively impact this planet with which we live. Yet, I struggle with focusing entirely on the human while considering these resources as something solely for our benefit. I approach justice as truly that, just and fair treatment. Equity. Currently, humans are taking the, well, human-sized share of the planet's resources. The other organisms with whom we share this place are forced to survive on less, or not survive at all.
So, while I acknowledge that I may be interpreting this assignment in a way that is unintended, I feel it vitally important to speak for those without a loud enough, or socially intelligible, voice. Because if those who can speak in the language other humans understand do not do so, then the melodious and beautiful voices of those who cannot speak our language will quickly die out, and this world will be lost.
I am currently working on an assignment. Not much of a surprise. And, strange, you say, that I am writing this in the midst of my assignment? Not really. This is part of my assignment. I am attempting to incorporate a variety of multimedia to fulfill the guidelines.
This assignment has many pieces. I will do my best to provide you an overview without your eyes glazing over and you getting the urge to click over to another tab. Essentially, addressing diversity and the various forms of justices (food, water, energy, climate) is the overall theme. Here's the rub, though. I consider these very human-centric. I am not saying that it is a bad thing to consider how our use of these resources is equitable or not amongst humans. And I am not saying that adjusting our use of these resources to be more equitable amongst humans is not a valid and desirable thing. I recognize that these concerns will also, hopefully, positively impact this planet with which we live. Yet, I struggle with focusing entirely on the human while considering these resources as something solely for our benefit. I approach justice as truly that, just and fair treatment. Equity. Currently, humans are taking the, well, human-sized share of the planet's resources. The other organisms with whom we share this place are forced to survive on less, or not survive at all.
So, while I acknowledge that I may be interpreting this assignment in a way that is unintended, I feel it vitally important to speak for those without a loud enough, or socially intelligible, voice. Because if those who can speak in the language other humans understand do not do so, then the melodious and beautiful voices of those who cannot speak our language will quickly die out, and this world will be lost.
Avoiding SQUIRRELS!
Where are we now, and why?
I decided approaching this assignment through the lens of some charismatic megafauna will provide opportunity to combine visual and verbal learning styles (multiple intelligences). Ok, ready for the breakdown of what that sentence means? Charismatic megafauna are the big "cuddly" animals people are often drawn to and care about most frequently. Like pandas. And elephants. Learning styles (multiple intelligences) are categories that organize in what ways people engage with and retain information. Ever try to read a huge block of text (ahem) and find you don't remember much of it? But if you listen to it, like a book on tape, you have near perfect recall? Or how playing with an item allows you to remember how it works/what it is/what it does? These all speak to your learning style in the realm of multiple intelligences. I know that, often, webpages with insane amounts of text lead me to TL;DR (too long; didn't read) territory, and I click over to something shorter and more interesting. I know this is a result of the internet culture in which I live. I accept that I am easily distracted by SQUIRRELS!
With that knowledge of myself, I searched for ways to present information in a visually appealing manner, and that are concise and interesting. Essentially, I searched for some good interpretive examples. Goodness, the interwebs are full of interesting things!
Enter the Infographic
This method of information delivery encompasses the visual (with multiple colors, pictures, etc.) and the verbal (with the right amount of words), appealing to many and enticing to read and learn.
I selected a few species to highlight, with the knowledge that these species act as umbrellas. By working to conserve and save an "umbrella" species, many other species found in the same area are helped. I do not consider one species more important than any other (especially humans). An ecosystem is a system, where all the parts work cohesively to make the system function correctly. If any part of the system is malfunctioning (such as having too many babies, or using fossil fuels that cause climate change, or creating monocultures from clearcutting for food crops), the entire system malfunctions.
Here are some examples of malfunctions.
Rhinoceros
The current plight of rhinoceros is entirely human-caused. The false belief that rhino horn contains medicinal properties perpetuates the killing of these important browsers.
Even with the knowledge that rhinoceros horn is made of the same stuff (keratin) as human fingernails, the demand is still high, and ever increasing, as evidenced by these statistics. High demand leads to high prices, which encourages more poaching. Sometimes these poachers are from poor communities and living in poverty and hunger. Money to make life a little easier is exceptionally appealing. Here is where food justice is an important topic for the rhinoceros.
The continued rate of deaths shows a bleak future.
Photo source link Graph credit: rhinosurvival.org
There are multiple species of rhinoceros, and the above statistics do not delineate which are being poached and the expected date of extinction. I hazard it is showing statistics for the white rhino, which currently has the highest population number.
Ok, please don't click away and stay away. I know this is sobering information, but it's important for you to know. And, it's part of my assignment. Stay with me!
Elephants
The story of the elephants is, unfortunately, not dissimilar to the rhinoceros. Ivory from elephant tusks (which is essentially a modified tooth) is prized and highly valued for a variety of purposes.
Again, money is the driving force behind these human actions. If these numbers continue at the current rate, it is likely elephants will be extinct in the wild within 25 years.
Governments around the world chose definitive action against the illegal ivory trade (which, honestly, seems a strange label, "illegal". We are deciding when it is ok to commodify animal body parts, without the animal's permission.) recently, by destroying stockpiles of ivory. But what does that really mean for supply and demand? Granted, these tusks and ivory pieces were not available for purchase, but the mere presence kept a modicum of control. Without the slightest possibility of acquiring the destroyed ivory, consumers are willing to pay more for any available ivory, which puts the elephant populations at a higher risk than ever.
04 February 2014
It is all connected
I love learning. I especially love learning things that I may never have sought on my own. A recent assignment involved Akasha. I'll let you explore that on your own.
One assignment allowed for creative expression of personal understanding of the topic. So, I created a simple video.
I think it speaks for itself.
One assignment allowed for creative expression of personal understanding of the topic. So, I created a simple video.
I think it speaks for itself.
20 January 2014
The hunt of life
This week begins my second residency at school. The program I am in is partial residency, so this first year I came to school in August, again this week, and will again in May. That very first one was intensely anxiety-inducing, especially leading up to it. Coming into this week I thought I had overcome that, but I realized as the first day quickly approached that I was again feeling anxious, but this time for different reasons.
I have enjoyed this break from school work. Don't get me wrong, I love learning, and synthesizing information, and writing...mostly...but the amount of work is pretty intense. That's not entirely bad, but I feel I have become a master at balancing. The process of deciding where to focus my attention and efforts depending on immediacy is a little like hunting.
Hunting is a skill with which many Americans have lost connection. The advent of mass agriculture makes acquiring proteins much simpler, and separate from historical methods. I'm going to take a step back and acknowledge that earlier in my life I resisted the idea of hunting for my meat. In fact, as a child, my siblings teased me mercilessly, pushing against my delicate sensibilities and connection to animals. I loved bologna sandwiches (go ahead, sing the bologna song..."my bologna has a first name..." you're welcome). I recall a time when my sister lovingly, ahem, stuck her lips out and made mooing sounds at me before and after telling me the various animal parts put together to create the lunch meat. If I thought about what animal I was eating I couldn't eat it. Putting that face to the food was incredibly upsetting.
Into my adult years I began to understand the need to appreciate where my food comes from and how it got to my plate. My environmental and animal connection sensibilities still exist, but I feel I've grown in accepting my role as an animal in the larger global ecosystem. The human body is made to eat both plants and meat. Our digestion system runs most efficiently with a variety of food items. Our dental structure is made to tear meat and grind plants.
It wasn't until I read an article assigned for my graduate course to Namibia two summers ago that my perspective truly shifted. The article discussed the connection of the hunter to the hunted, and that truly personal journey of searching for, killing, and preparing the kill for consumption. I don't know if I will ever have the ability to shoot an animal to eat, but I am interested in participating in the hunt someday.
Earlier I likened balancing life to hunting. Seems a stretch, but come along with me on this. The hunt begins with research. Searching for where to find the animals, taking the time to explore and think. This applies to developing topics for papers as well as looking ahead to work and other life commitments. Then comes the action. This takes various forms. It could be actually writing that paper. Or going grocery shopping. Or going to job #1. Or fulfilling tasks for job #2. Or spending time with the family. Or sleeping. These are in no particular order of priority. Finally it's preparation for consumption. Within this educational path, I consider this portion as the synthesization and integration of the information and discussion and topics. In other parts of my life, I think of this as the appreciation of the richness around me, in my family, my employment, my circle of influence. The consumption part is the changing of who I am and what I do, as whatever you take into your body truly becomes part of you, altering your very chemical composition.
I do struggle between the desire to live life with intention and the desire to accept and grow from what the universe presents to me. Drawing the connection between hunting and daily life does present a bit of that balance. Not all hunts are successful. Sometimes life isn't what we want or hope. I accept the opportunity to make change where I can, live with intention as much as possible, but am also open to the chaos of life.
Bring it.
I have enjoyed this break from school work. Don't get me wrong, I love learning, and synthesizing information, and writing...mostly...but the amount of work is pretty intense. That's not entirely bad, but I feel I have become a master at balancing. The process of deciding where to focus my attention and efforts depending on immediacy is a little like hunting.
Hunting is a skill with which many Americans have lost connection. The advent of mass agriculture makes acquiring proteins much simpler, and separate from historical methods. I'm going to take a step back and acknowledge that earlier in my life I resisted the idea of hunting for my meat. In fact, as a child, my siblings teased me mercilessly, pushing against my delicate sensibilities and connection to animals. I loved bologna sandwiches (go ahead, sing the bologna song..."my bologna has a first name..." you're welcome). I recall a time when my sister lovingly, ahem, stuck her lips out and made mooing sounds at me before and after telling me the various animal parts put together to create the lunch meat. If I thought about what animal I was eating I couldn't eat it. Putting that face to the food was incredibly upsetting.
Into my adult years I began to understand the need to appreciate where my food comes from and how it got to my plate. My environmental and animal connection sensibilities still exist, but I feel I've grown in accepting my role as an animal in the larger global ecosystem. The human body is made to eat both plants and meat. Our digestion system runs most efficiently with a variety of food items. Our dental structure is made to tear meat and grind plants.
It wasn't until I read an article assigned for my graduate course to Namibia two summers ago that my perspective truly shifted. The article discussed the connection of the hunter to the hunted, and that truly personal journey of searching for, killing, and preparing the kill for consumption. I don't know if I will ever have the ability to shoot an animal to eat, but I am interested in participating in the hunt someday.
Earlier I likened balancing life to hunting. Seems a stretch, but come along with me on this. The hunt begins with research. Searching for where to find the animals, taking the time to explore and think. This applies to developing topics for papers as well as looking ahead to work and other life commitments. Then comes the action. This takes various forms. It could be actually writing that paper. Or going grocery shopping. Or going to job #1. Or fulfilling tasks for job #2. Or spending time with the family. Or sleeping. These are in no particular order of priority. Finally it's preparation for consumption. Within this educational path, I consider this portion as the synthesization and integration of the information and discussion and topics. In other parts of my life, I think of this as the appreciation of the richness around me, in my family, my employment, my circle of influence. The consumption part is the changing of who I am and what I do, as whatever you take into your body truly becomes part of you, altering your very chemical composition.
I do struggle between the desire to live life with intention and the desire to accept and grow from what the universe presents to me. Drawing the connection between hunting and daily life does present a bit of that balance. Not all hunts are successful. Sometimes life isn't what we want or hope. I accept the opportunity to make change where I can, live with intention as much as possible, but am also open to the chaos of life.
Bring it.
01 January 2014
Time to start anew?
Ah. It's a new year.
As I age (but remain at a delightfully young mindset of about 25 years old...although some may argue it's closer to 13), I realize that staying up late to ring in the New Year is not nearly as appealing as attempting to get sleep. Contributions to that are probably the offspring and a job. More specifically, a job at a location that doesn't close on the first of the year. Plus, I think I view a new year a bit differently than most of the world.
Calendars are arbitrary tracking devices. Life is full of patterns, so using a calendar allows humans to keep track and monitor these patterns. It also allows us to know what to expect, which feels safe. Each day is fresh, a new beginning, a delightful opportunity to approach life with awake eyes and a sense of purpose. Most of us don't, though. It's easy to get comfortable in the patterns of daily life, and therefore looking at a brand new calendar with a new year number feels like it is a new beginning.
And with a new beginning comes resolutions. I find it delightfully amusing that new year resolutions are so popular. Now, don't get mad at me, I have a good reason, I feel (and I've made resolutions in the past). We start out the new year listing all the things we want to change, which essentially reinforces all the bad habits or perceived personal negative characteristics. By springtime, some of the new good habits have stuck and continue, but many of the other resolutions start falling away, forgotten. Nearing November and December (well, maybe starting in October, if I want to be truly accurate), we begin to celebrate those bad habits again: overindulgence, consumerism, etc. All under the guise of holidays. The end of December approaches and we reflect on the year, picking out the bad and forgetting the good, looking for what we want to be "better". Last year and this, I've seen an idea/suggestion passed around on social media - a jar. Simply a jar. Sounds profound, right? (that sentence is written in sarcastic font, btw) But, really, it's amazing. Each time something good happens, no matter how big or small, it is written on a slip of paper and placed in the jar. Over the course of the year, all the good adds up, filling the jar. At the end of the year, the jar is opened and all the good is revisited.
I think it is a much more difficult thing to focus on the good than on the bad. Wallowing in negativity is so easy. And I really don't understand why. I like to approach every occurrence, whether good or bad, but especially bad, as a learning opportunity. Every situation teaches me something. It could be something about myself (which it often is) or about someone (or something) else. Yea, sometimes sucky things happen. But it happened. It's over. It's in the past. Learn from it and look forward to the future, perhaps changing your own behavior to prevent it from happening again.
One thing I hope we can all change for the future is the holidays. And looking to the good in the past can help. I had an experience where a last minute make-the-offspring-uber-happy-but-in-a-simple-keep-the-magic-of-Christmas-alive-way purchase was desired. I ended my work day and drove to the store. The amount of vehicles entering the shopping area was staggering. Apparently many others were making these types of purchases! I walk into the store and can't find what I wanted, so I approach an employee. This person appeared so worn out and unhappy. I felt ashamed. Ashamed of myself for adding to the crazy of this day and time of year. Ashamed that I am an American and our society so strongly encourages consumerism, wrongly equating it to happiness. Although I wanted to hurry because being in a store at that time on that day with the rest of the insanity was not happy-inducing, I took the necessary time to be polite and understanding and appreciative of this person standing in front of me. I hope that moment was a tiny bright spot in her day. I hope that others were polite and understanding and appreciative to add more bright spots. My small purchase complete, I exited and made my way home.
What I hope for the future is remembering the purpose of the holidays. It's not buying things for people, and by this I mean just a bunch of items that are not needed and have no feeling or intention (aside from just buying to add to the number of gifts) behind them. It's about sharing joy and love for each other. It's about spending quality time together. It's about rediscovering why these people are important to you. I also hope your decisions bring you joy. I hope you focus on the good. I hope that by doing so you invite more good and joy to surround you and spread to others.
Every day is new. Every day holds the promise of something amazing. Amazing doesn't have to be gigantic, it can be a smile on another's face, a hug from a dear friend, a realization of a goal. You hold the potential for amazing. Live it. Be it. Share it.
And if all that is way too deep for you, here's a delightful naughty word list of ways to be a better person. http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/
Happy 2014.
As I age (but remain at a delightfully young mindset of about 25 years old...although some may argue it's closer to 13), I realize that staying up late to ring in the New Year is not nearly as appealing as attempting to get sleep. Contributions to that are probably the offspring and a job. More specifically, a job at a location that doesn't close on the first of the year. Plus, I think I view a new year a bit differently than most of the world.
Calendars are arbitrary tracking devices. Life is full of patterns, so using a calendar allows humans to keep track and monitor these patterns. It also allows us to know what to expect, which feels safe. Each day is fresh, a new beginning, a delightful opportunity to approach life with awake eyes and a sense of purpose. Most of us don't, though. It's easy to get comfortable in the patterns of daily life, and therefore looking at a brand new calendar with a new year number feels like it is a new beginning.
And with a new beginning comes resolutions. I find it delightfully amusing that new year resolutions are so popular. Now, don't get mad at me, I have a good reason, I feel (and I've made resolutions in the past). We start out the new year listing all the things we want to change, which essentially reinforces all the bad habits or perceived personal negative characteristics. By springtime, some of the new good habits have stuck and continue, but many of the other resolutions start falling away, forgotten. Nearing November and December (well, maybe starting in October, if I want to be truly accurate), we begin to celebrate those bad habits again: overindulgence, consumerism, etc. All under the guise of holidays. The end of December approaches and we reflect on the year, picking out the bad and forgetting the good, looking for what we want to be "better". Last year and this, I've seen an idea/suggestion passed around on social media - a jar. Simply a jar. Sounds profound, right? (that sentence is written in sarcastic font, btw) But, really, it's amazing. Each time something good happens, no matter how big or small, it is written on a slip of paper and placed in the jar. Over the course of the year, all the good adds up, filling the jar. At the end of the year, the jar is opened and all the good is revisited.
I think it is a much more difficult thing to focus on the good than on the bad. Wallowing in negativity is so easy. And I really don't understand why. I like to approach every occurrence, whether good or bad, but especially bad, as a learning opportunity. Every situation teaches me something. It could be something about myself (which it often is) or about someone (or something) else. Yea, sometimes sucky things happen. But it happened. It's over. It's in the past. Learn from it and look forward to the future, perhaps changing your own behavior to prevent it from happening again.
One thing I hope we can all change for the future is the holidays. And looking to the good in the past can help. I had an experience where a last minute make-the-offspring-uber-happy-but-in-a-simple-keep-the-magic-of-Christmas-alive-way purchase was desired. I ended my work day and drove to the store. The amount of vehicles entering the shopping area was staggering. Apparently many others were making these types of purchases! I walk into the store and can't find what I wanted, so I approach an employee. This person appeared so worn out and unhappy. I felt ashamed. Ashamed of myself for adding to the crazy of this day and time of year. Ashamed that I am an American and our society so strongly encourages consumerism, wrongly equating it to happiness. Although I wanted to hurry because being in a store at that time on that day with the rest of the insanity was not happy-inducing, I took the necessary time to be polite and understanding and appreciative of this person standing in front of me. I hope that moment was a tiny bright spot in her day. I hope that others were polite and understanding and appreciative to add more bright spots. My small purchase complete, I exited and made my way home.
What I hope for the future is remembering the purpose of the holidays. It's not buying things for people, and by this I mean just a bunch of items that are not needed and have no feeling or intention (aside from just buying to add to the number of gifts) behind them. It's about sharing joy and love for each other. It's about spending quality time together. It's about rediscovering why these people are important to you. I also hope your decisions bring you joy. I hope you focus on the good. I hope that by doing so you invite more good and joy to surround you and spread to others.
Every day is new. Every day holds the promise of something amazing. Amazing doesn't have to be gigantic, it can be a smile on another's face, a hug from a dear friend, a realization of a goal. You hold the potential for amazing. Live it. Be it. Share it.
And if all that is way too deep for you, here's a delightful naughty word list of ways to be a better person. http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/
Happy 2014.
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